Japanese Moon
by A Shot of Amber
Summary: Sometimes all we can do is watch the most beautiful thing in our life be destroyed.
1. Chapter 1

Japanese Moon

Chapter One

By A Shot of Amber

This story is a three part story intertwined in the chapters about Darien Shields an American solider fighting in World War II with the Marines and Usagi Tuskino a Japanese "comfort girl." This story is set in the 1940's and will deal with first Usagi and then Darien and then their coming together.

I got the idea for this story from a book I read that is actually the true stories of Japanese Comfort Girls. I'm not going to add the brutality and horror that went through since that would make this story an NC-17 story. Instead I will keep it at an R rating, and let you, the reader, imagine what happened. If you don't know what a Comfort Girl is you'll figure it out pretty fast in the coming chapters. This what those girls were really called to make their job seem not so horrendous. Any way please remember to read and review.

Japanese Moon

Chapter One

My name is Usagi Tuskino. Translated into English it means Rabbit of the Moon. I am seventeen years old and what the Japanese armed forces call a comfort girl. I am what I call a prostitute. Men use me for sex before going to battle to fight the white devils also known as the Americans. Sometimes I wonder if I am at battle myself with the devil and he put me here to live in his own personal hell. Your Christian God has left me to the devil even though I yearn to be free of the fiery pits of hell.

You're probably reading this in the comfort of your room. You are safe and away from the horrors of the world while I lie among them still and cry each night when the sun sets and the fires rise. You don't want to hear that though, you want to hear my story. You wonder why I gave this to you to read so I won't go on about tearful journeys and my personal hell but instead just use this pen they gave me and write my story the way I know it. I hope you enjoy reading it because I have no joy in writing it. Even now the tears are spilling down my cheeks and staining the paper that I write on.

My story really starts in 1944. At the time I was living with my mother and brother in the imperial city of Tokyo. My father had left us to fight in the army. He was going to fight and defeat the white devils and show that Japan was the greatest country on Earth. The imperial dynasty would forever rule on…

Before the war and before papa left we were well off but by 1942 our money was gone and we were forced to go to work. To keep food in our stomachs Mama set up a stall in the market place and served food to the soldiers of the city. I'm not a good cook and cannot even make rice but I helped all I could. The stall was small but strong. We had a wooden kitchen with a large stove in the back and outside small white tables with a pink and white awning stretched over those tables to keep out the sun. Well mama cooked, I would serve the soldiers and sometimes civilians who came on their lunch breaks to partake of mama's cooking.

We were always praised by the soldiers and their officers for our patriotic services to the Emperor. Sometimes they would praise us but not pay us. I was never allowed to press them to pay, mama strictly warned me against it. So sometimes they would finish their food and get up and just leave. I would curse them behind their backs as they walked off with a full stomach and full pockets. I hated those men, but mama told me to never let it show. To them I was to always be a meek and quiet Japanese maiden.

My brother Shingo would sometimes help us with the running of the stall but most of the time he was in school. He was being trained to be a solider even though he was only eleven years old. When he turned eighteen he was going to enlist in the army and join papa in fighting the enemy forces. Mama I know secretly hoped that day would never come. Having papa in the army was enough for her. She was severely strained by this war, you could see it in her face and eyes. She looked far older then her years.

But you don't want to hear this do you? You want to know what brought this to you. You want to know what made me this way. What force turned me from a little girl to a bitter and old woman? I will tell that story with as much pain staking detail as I can tell so you get everything. I don't want to miss a thing in this story since there is so much that connects it together.

One day in 1944 I was serving at the stall when a young officer came in and had a seat at one of the tables. I remember I was wearing a blue dress with white flowers on it. I walked over to him and took his order. He had a rich voice that came from the depths of his chest. He smiled at me with these perfect white teeth as I bowed and walked off to fill his order. I noticed that he was studying me with a good eye. He seemed to be watching the way I walked and fixed up a bowl of steamed dumplings for him. When I returned he praised me for my quick actions as I set down the bowl and crossed my hands demurely in front of me.

" Is there anything else you need?" I asked bowing low to him to show a sign of great respect just has mama taught me.

He indicated for me to rise and smiled at me again. He teeth were perfectly aligned. " What is your name lotus blossom?"

" Tuskino, Usagi."

" You are very beautiful Usagi-chan. Your father must be very proud of you."

I blushed at his informal way of using my name but didn't say anything against it. Instead I smiled and let the informality pass. " Papa is very proud of me. I am his only daughter. He calls me Usako because to him I am like a little bunny. Papa is in the army right now fighting the white devils and I miss him with all my heart."

The officer smiled at me with those perfect teeth. " Your papa fights for our divine Emperor. You should be proud."

" Oh I am!" I replied quickly.

" Very good lotus blossom!" He picked up his chopsticks and looked at me with his soft brown eyes. " I have great plans for you lotus blossom but first you must let me eat."

" Of course." I bowed to him again and went back to the kitchen where mama was watching us with sharp eyes. In the dark privacy she berated me for talking for so long to a soldier then put me to work washing the dishes. Shingo had returned from school and would now serve tables. I never saw my officer leave but Shingo did bring me something from him. I had just put a soapy plate in the rack to dry when Shingo handed me a piece of a paper folded over something. I looked around for mama but she was outside with Shingo so I ducked behind the stove into a corner and unfolded the paper. Inside it was a small wad of money. I was shocked at seeing the money but what was even more shocking was the note. I remember every word of what it said.

Lotus blossom,

Your food was delicious. I praise you for your beauty and your skill in the kitchen. With this money I urge you to buy some make up and a dress so you can be even more beautiful. Praise the Emperor! Glory be to Japan!

Afterwards I burned the note so mama wouldn't see it. She wouldn't have liked for me to receive gifts from the customers. The money weighed heavily in my pocket as I finished washing the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen for the day. I wanted to slip away early and go shopping but mama kept a watchful eye over me. Unfortunately we closed late that day and I was forced to walk home with mama and Shingo.

I should tell you of my nights with mama. I miss their simplicity even now two years later. When we got home mama would cook one last meal together the three of us would eat in the kitchen. Afterwards I would wash the dishes while mama helped Shingo with his school work. At 9pm we turned off the lights out and went upstairs. We didn't go to bed though but instead went into mama's room. Shingo and I would drape blankets over the window and together the three of us gathered in the farthest corner from the window. Around a single candle we would kneel and pray. We prayed to God, yes your Christian God. I am a Christian. I would read a passage from the Bible then we would join hands and pray. Our voices never went above a soft mummer. We prayed for papa and for an end to the war. We never prayed for Japan and the Emperor. I remember those nights as the most peaceful of my life. It was then that the war was forgotten and Christ came down to sit with us. Though I never really liked to pray before my battle I found them a comfort as I fought. I still wear the rosary mama gave me to pray on.

Afterwards we would go to bed since we had an early morning. This went on every night without fail except on Sundays when our prayers were longer and mama told stories. When I was in camp I would remember those stories when I felt low. Those stories are engrained in my mind. Once I heard an American solider tell a story and I could hear my mother's voice in him. I actually broke down and cried.

This was Saturday when I received the money. The next day, Sunday, I went shopping because the stall was closed in the view of the of the Lord's day. I bought a tin of white powder and some red lipstick. I also bought a white dress done in the western style of your people. It was a very beautiful dress that went to my knees and had pearl button and short sleeves. I didn't wear the dress around mama but instead put it away. The dress was for my officer.

That night I read a passage from the bible that I can still quote word for word. "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." Do you know that passage? I would think of it when I was forced to work. I thought I understood it but now I realize that I don't. It seems so foreign to me. Maybe because of my situation I'll never understand it.

Well on Monday my officer came back. He sat at his same table looking quite handsome in his uniform. My heart was beating fast as I approached him. He smiled at me with his perfect white teeth.

" Lotus blossom did you get my money and note?"

" I did," I replied clutching my hands tightly in front of me while my cheeks burned with red. " I bought a dress, a white one, like a lotus blossom."

" I'm glad to hear you bought a dress in the color of purity but I am saddened that you do not wear it."

" Mama would fret if I wore it in public!" I was shocked at the thought of mama's screams if I took the dress out of hiding. " She would say that it would bring men's lavish stares."

" Lotus blossom," he sighed. He seemed to be growing tired with me. " You are to beautiful to bring un-pure looks upon you. If you wear that dress tomorrow I shall give you work that honors the Emperor."

" But I do honor the Emperor! Mama and I do work together!" I replied loosing my blush and my girly notions.

" Ah but lotus blossom this work will honor both our wonderful Emperor and our brave soldiers, including your father."

I was about to ask him what this work was when mama called me into the kitchen. Her eyes looked mad as she grabbed my arm and pulled me into the dark near the stove where I hidden only a couple days before to read my note.

" Usagi you must not dally on with the soldiers who visit us!" She reprimanded me severely.

" I was not dallying mama. He wants to offer me work," I replied.

" You already have work Usagi. You and I work together. We cook for the people of Japan to help bring your father home to us."

" But this work is so boring and I am not helping papa by serving rice. This man wants me to go and work for papa. I can help papa!"

Mama looked at me with fearful eyes, a new light growing in them when suddenly someone knocked on the door frame and entered the kitchen. It was my soldier. He walked in and bowed to mama.

" Honorable lady I could not help but hear what you said. Do you not want your daughter to work for our brave Emperor?"

" I am willing to work for the Emperor," mama replied. " But I need Usagi-chan here to help me."

" Madam I am offering your daughter a good job with good money and respect of the people she will work for. She will work to save her father."

Mama said nothing so I took my chance. I took a hold of her sleeve and pulled just slightly towards me. " Please mama. I have a chance to save father!" I pleaded working on her weak spot.

She didn't say anything but I saw something flicker in her then she sighed. The soldier's eyes were sharp on her like a hawk. She had no choice.

" Alright," mama replied slowly. " I give you my permission."

I grinned and let go of her sleeve to hug her tightly. She didn't hug me back but just left her arms lay limp at her side.

" You have honored the Emperor madam. Your husband will be proud."

" I am glad to honor the Emperor," mama replied quietly.

My officer bowed to her then turned to me. " Tuskino-san meet me here tomorrow at noon wearing your new dress. Also bring a small suitcase of your belongings. Do not be late. I will wait for you here." With that he walked out leaving mama and I alone.

Mama waited till his footsteps died away then moved away from me. She began to clean up. She didn't say anything as she brushed past me to gather some dishes.

" Mama, are you mad at me?" I asked in a confused voice.

" No, I'm not mad at you Usagi. I'm just tired, that is all. Go and tell our remaining customers that we are closing early today then go and clean the tables. I will clean up in here." Her voice was quiet and sounded almost defeated as she stacked some clean bowls up and placed them in a box.

I didn't say anything but turned and walked outside stung by her voice. Something was wrong if she didn't want me to be happy and work for the Emperor. Of course I knew mama was against the war but I wasn't going to fight. I was probably going to work in a factory or sew uniforms. I would be helping papa by working for the war. The harder I worked, the sooner the war would be over and then both papa and I would come home.

Mama and I walked home in silence with our arms full of boxes of dishes and food. Shingo had yet to come home from school as mama and I entered the kitchen and began to put away everything.

" Usagi, did you buy a dress?" Her voice was flat and quiet as she placed clean bowls in stacks on the counter.

" Yes I did mama. Its white, like a lotus blossom."

Like the soldier's nick name for me.

" Then go and put it on. I would like to see it."

" You'll like it," I replied setting down a bowl. " It's very pretty," I said running out of the kitchen and up the stairs to my room. Once inside I shed my old blue dress and pulled the white dress from it hiding spot in the back of my closet. For the first time I put on the dress and then looked at myself in my small mirror. The skirt fell to my knees where it hung in soft folds. I took my socks and folded them at the ankle like I had seen American girls do. Then I looked at myself again. I didn't look like a traditional Japanese girl. I looked like an American girl. I looked pretty and fresh and like a delight to the eye. I giggled a little and twirled around in a circle so the skirt flew out in a bell shape. Then I opened the door and ran down stairs. Inside the kitchen mama was making some tea when I walked in and called her name. She turned around and looked at me standing near the doorway with my hands behind my back.

" Did you buy that yourself?" Mama asked softly.

" The officer gave me the money but I picked out the dress. I picked it out because it is white like purity and the cross that we pray on," I replied happily.

Mama smiled and set down the tea kettle. "You look lovely Usagi."

" I look like an American girl," I whispered looking around in case someone might over hear me.

Mama's smile was wan. " You may feel like an American but you will always be Japanese." Her chest rose once then settled down again as she exhaled the air she breathed in. " Come with me Usagi. I want to give you something." She took my hand and led me back up the stairs. We went into her room where she pulled out her box of religious items. It was a small wooden box that she hid underneath her bed. Inside it was her bible and crucifix. I kneeled down next to her has she pulled out a smaller white box and opened it. Inside of it were her rosary beads. They were made of red glass with a silver cross. She picked up the beads and smiled at them as they glinted in the sunlight shining through the large glass window.

" My mother gave me these beads when I was fourteen years old. I had just finished my communion. She took me into her room and gave me these beads and taught me the prayer that goes with them. Now I will teach you." Mama wound the beads around her fingers then began to pray. " Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with me." I clasped my hands together and followed her words, my eyes never leaving her moving lips. After she finished the rosary she began the Lord's Prayer. I followed along easily and crossed myself at the end just like she had taught me. She then let the beads slip from her fingers and turned to me.

" I never thought you would leave me so soon but since you must go I give you these." She placed the beads around my neck. " Wear this only in secret when you can and never forget to pray. Say the Lord's prayer every night and the rosary. Please always say them even if you feel you have sinned. Remember that the Lord forgives all sinners who repent and ask for forgiveness."

" Mama why are you so worried?" I asked placing one hand around the silver cross hanging from my neck.

" Because I don't know where you are going and what you will do. I don't want you going into battle on the war front. All I want is for you to be safe."

" I will be safe," I replied smiling at her. " I am Japanese like you said and have the protection of the Emperor. If anything mama I will be safe working in a factory. I will have food and protection and the respect of a job."

" Yes but I still pray to God that this war ends soon and that you will come back to me safely."

" I will come back mama," I replied taking her hand in my own. She wound her fingers through mine and squeezed tightly. We sat there in the sunlight from the window until we heard the door open. Shingo was home. Mama seemed to shake herself from her spell that she had fallen under and let go of my hand. " You better change your dress. Don't let Shingo see you."

I nodded and stood up while mama gathered up her things and hid away the box. In my room I pulled off the dress and put back on my old dress.. I then began to gather my things together in a small black bag. I packed three other dresses along with the one I wore. I also packed all my socks and my underwear. At the bottom of the bag I put my make up that I had bought then my under things and finally my clothes. I also packed my hair brush and my mirror which I tucked between my clothes. Last I packed a small stuffed rabbit that my father had given me. I laid the rabbit on top of my things then closed the bag.

Downstairs mama and I prepared dinner while Shingo prattled on about school. They were learning the history of Japan which he found interesting. Mama answered all his questions quietly while I didn't speak at all. Neither one of us felt much like talking. I was starting to feel the fear of leaving tomorrow for an unknown destination. During dinner we spoke of the business and the war and it was almost like a normal night until we walked upstairs. After I had read a bible passage we prayed. Then sitting quietly in the candlelight mama spoke up.

" Tomorrow," she began bringing our attention to her, " Usagi will be leaving us."

I said nothing but instead just looked at mama who was looking straight ahead at the wall.

" Where is she going?" Shingo asked looking from me to mama.

She said nothing so I spoke instead. " I am going to go work for the Emperor."

" Doing what?" Shingo wanted to know.

" I think factory work," I replied.

" Then why is mama sad? You are working for our divine Emperor. Mama should be happy to be letting you go," Shingo replied, pride filling his voice at the mention of the Emperor.

" I am happy that Usagi is going to work for the Emperor. I am sad though because I will not be able to see her for awhile," mama replied. " In fact I'm quite proud that Usagi was given this opportunity."

That was a lie. I now know that mama was lying. She was only saying what Shingo wanted to hear. My little brother was being brainwashed to be a good little Japanese soldier. He was eleven years old but already they were preparing him for war. I now know that mama was protecting herself from being discovered. She never believed in the Emperor and she never believed in Japan and the war. I wonder what happened to her after I left. I hope Shingo never found her true thoughts. I can't say that he wouldn't betray her.

" You should be proud mama. Our divine Emperor will put Usagi to good work."

If I ever learn to laugh again, I will laugh at that statement. It is so much to remember my little brother saying that. The Emperor never put me to good work. If I learn to laugh again, I will laugh at that. Until then, I am silent.

The next morning Shingo left for saying " goodbye baka Usagi." Those were his last words to me. I haven't seen him since.

I dressed in my white dress and carefully slipped on my white shoes to match. I folded my socks at the ankle then put my hair up in its customary buns. Completely dressed I took my bag downstairs. Mama hadn't opened the stall that day but instead had stayed home to see me off. She met me at the bottom of the stairs and walked me to the front door. I had asked her not to walk me to the stall, I wanted to go alone. I set down my bag on the doorstep and looked at her. She looked at me; straight in my eye then reached up and embraced me tightly. She whispered something my ear. Tears where in her eyes as I let go of her and picked up my bag. I stepped down the stairs and walked down the sidewalk to the street. Just before I turned and disappeared from sight I turned once and waved my hand to mama. She waved back then I walked away disappearing from sight around the fence that surrounded our property.

I haven't seen her since then. That was in 1944 when I left. I was sixteen years old. It is now 1945 and like I said, I am seventeen years old now. I would love to see my mother and know how she is doing. I pray to God that she is okay and did well without me. I also pray to God that she never find out what really happened to me. It would hurt her so much to know the truth.


	2. Chapter 2

Japanese Moon

Chapter Two

By A Shot of Amber

The streets were busy as I walked through them to meet my officer. I remember that it was exceptionally sunny that day with puffy white clouds in the sky. As I walked I thought about my mother and my father and saying goodbye to my family. Shingo didn't really count as he seemed to think what I was doing was an honor. It felt like at the time that it was an honor. I wish it still was.

Once I came upon the stall I saw him. He stood just under the awning tapping his fingers against his right leg. As I came upon him he smiled at me. It warmed my heart.

" Lotus blossom you are truly a sight," he said.

I smiled and blushed under his gaze. He gestured for me to follow him which I did heading away from the stall towards where the army had situated itself on the edge of town.

" The trucks that will take you to your new home will be leaving with an hour. We must hurry so you don't miss them," he said as I fell into step beside him. Together we set off towards my unknown destination. I held my bag in front of me as we walked through the crowds neither one of us speaking. Finally though I spoke up. I was curious to what I would be doing for the army.

" Where is that the trucks are taking us?" I asked looking up at my officer who was taller then me.

" Korea. You will be in the southern province near the ocean. The truck will take you to the railroad station and the station will take you to your new home. You will be paid well for your services and live with other girls. Your food and shelter will be provided for you. You will live with a house mistress who will run the daily operations."

" Will I be doing factory work?"

" You will be doing whatever the man in charge of operations tells you to do. But don't worry, you will never be expected to work beyond your limits. But always remember to honor the Emperor and do your work with pride."

" I promise that I will," I replied seeing a glorious future ahead of me working in a factory sewing uniforms and befriending the other girls. Who knows, maybe I will make a best friend. I didn't have one growing up. Maybe also my officer would come visit me and take me on dates with him. He was young and tall with thick black hair that fell into soft brown eyes. He wore the uniform of a Japanese officer in good rank. Maybe he would take interest in me and take me out of my home when the war was over and marry and make me an honorable wife. I blushed that the thought. He didn't see my blush though because we were coming upon the edge of town. There three trucks stood waiting to be filled. Also there were a group of girls dressed in similar western style dresses like me holding bags of clothes in their hands. The girls were milling about talking to each other quietly while around them officers and soldiers barked out orders and gathered them into groups. My officer took my arm and forced me to look up at him. My eyes met his own and I'll never forget what he said to me. " Whatever you do lotus blossom always remember that you are a lady and a subject of the Emperor. Glory be with Japan. Never forget that as you work and you will be well treated." Then he let go of my arm and left me alone in the crowd of girls gathering around me. He turned and disappeared, that was the last time I ever saw him.

They herded us on to the trucks, each one of us climbing and taking a seat where we could find one. I ended up sitting next to a dark haired girl with dark eyes. We scrunched together and pulled our knees to our chest to give the others room. When everyone was jammed in the doors were shut and we left in darkness. The trucks instantly started up, I could feel the vibrations in my bones as I let my back rest against the side. Inside the truck there must have been at least fifteen girls all sitting next to each other. Some were talking while others were quiet. I think some of them knew their fate since they looked older then me. One looked to be in her thirties and had the pox. Her face was scared with marks and her hair was done up in a messy bun. A handful of us were around my age including the girl sitting next to me. We didn't make a beautiful bunch although there was one girl who was absolutely stunning with black hair that fell to her shoulders and these liquid brown eyes. She wore a pale yellow dress and was sitting with her knees held tightly against her chest. She didn't speak to anyone but instead stayed silent and looked at the floor. I saw her later in camp and she had that same face, a slightly scared sad face. She knew of our fate but at the time I didn't comprehend it.

The girl next me had her knees tucked under her and was sitting with her hands clasped in front of her. I was looking at her hands and studying her dress when she caught my eye. We both looked into each other's eyes, my blue ones against her purple ones then she smiled. I took my chance and started a conversation.

" Your dress is very pretty," I said smiling back at her.

" Do you like it? My father's assistant Mr. Kaido picked it out for me just this year on my birthday. He says I look good in white," she replied petting one sleeve of her white dress.

" I agree with him," I said nodding my head.

She smiled a sort of sad wistful smile. I could tell that the sound of this man's name in her heart made her smile. She must have been in love with him in order for that kind of smile to light up her face. I had never seen anyone smile like that except my mother at the mention of my father.

" My name is Tuskino Usagi," I said holding out one hand in the way papa did it when he introduced himself to new people.

She looked at my hand and took it giving it a slight squeeze. " I am Hino Rei. If you want you may call me Rei."

" Only if you call me Usagi," I replied with a grin. She smiled back and let go of my hand. " Alright Usagi-san."

" So how long do you think it will take us to get to Korea?" I asked looking around the truck at the other girls and at the soldier who stood guard near the door with his gun primed and aimed at the ceiling.

" I don't know. My guess is three to four days because we have to drive the length of the island then board a boat to cross the sea before we enter Korea."

" I wonder why we have to work in Korea," I asked absentmindedly.

" Because that is where the soldiers are. Mr. Kaido told me that when I asked him. Most of our men are in the conquered territories brought on by the war. Korea is one of them. We are going there to be near the men."

" I wonder doing what?"

" I don't know. Mr. Kaido said maybe factory work or being nurses. He said we would service the men in the name of the Emperor and that I should never shied away from my duty." She looked at her clasped hands in her lap. " Strangely I remember that he wouldn't look me in the eye when he said that and afterwards he left quite quickly without saying goodbye. He just gathered his coat left. I was going to call out for him but grandfather came in so I didn't. I just let him leave."

" Where are your parents?" I asked looking at her bent face.

" My mother died a few years ago and my father works for the Emperor. Mr. Kaido is his assistant. I live with my grandfather in his Shinto shrine where I work as a priestess. I didn't want to leave but father drafted me into the work and had Mr. Kaido talk me into it. I didn't want to leave grandfather alone though. I had my priestess training and I was happy but father doesn't like it. He thinks I should be a good Japanese girl and get married young and have children." Her face grew hard and her lips moved into a thin line. " I hate my father for saying that to me."

I placed my hand on her own clasped ones and squeezed gently. She took my hand in her grasp and smiled. " You have a kind heart Usagi-san. I can feel it your hand. I wish good things to you."

" Thank you Rei-san," I replied smiling also.

I had made a friend on that long trip to the shore. We sat in the truck most of the day only being allowed out twice to stretch our legs and breathe in fresh air before we were herded back in. A guard passed out food to us, bread and dried fish which the girls shared evenly amongst each other. There was no animosity or meanness to be found. We were all in this situation together and we had to make the best of it. The trip took a day and half to make it to the shore. We arrived in the city of Matsue on the shore of the Sea of Japan. They unloaded us from the trucks where we brushed off the dirt from our skin and clothes while the soldiers who stood guard over us directed us towards a boat waiting on the dock. It was a relatively small boat but it was still large enough and modern enough to hold us all. The girls were put in a large room in the bottom of the boat with our two guards well up on deck the pilot of boat took off from the city and we were headed off into the Sea of Japan. I remember that we weren't allowed to shop through the town and buy food or accessories. Instead we were shuttled from once place to another.

On the boat we sat on the benches that lined the walls, this time a little more friendly to each other. I stayed close to Rei who in turn stayed close to me. Near to us, actually sitting next to me was a tall girl with two glass rose earrings. Her hair was pulled up into a pony tail to show off those earrings. She wore a simple brown and white dress and black patent leather flats without socks. She looked older then me, maybe in her late teens, early twenties. She must have noticed me looking at her because she looked at back me with an annoyed stare.

I blushed but was determined to hold my ground. " Your earrings are pretty," I said starting the first conversation with her.

She look surprised and touched one of her earrings and smiled. " You like them? They were a gift from my mother."

" I like them very much. They shine in the sunlight," I said smiling back at her. I then held out my hand. " My name Tuskino Usagi. What is yours?"

She took my hand and gave it a firm shake. " Kino Makoto."

" Well Kino-san it is nice to meet you. This is my friend Rei-san," I said leaning back to reveal Rei who was listening in to the conversation.

" Good afternoon," Rei replied bowing her head to Makoto who did the same thing.

" Are you two hungry? I have some food in my bag if you would like it?" Makoto opened her bag and pulled a small wooden bento which she laid out between her and me. " I packed food because I didn't know if they would give us some." The bento looked delicious and was filled with an assortment of food. I took it and placed it on my lap so both Rei and Makoto could reach. We ate the delicious food in the company of each other while the ship bobbed through the water and the other girls talked amongst themselves. When we had finished we wiped our fingers clean on our handkerchiefs and Makoto put away the bento.

After that we compared stories of where we had come from. All three of us came from Tokyo and were Japanese. The rumor was that some Korean girls were on the ship with us but I didn't see any. Maybe that woman with the pox marks was Korean but all the other girls looked Japanese. Makoto lived alone in a small apartment in the Juban district near to me. Her parents had both died when she fourteen in an accident leaving her with their money and their memories. After they died she sold the family home and moved into an apartment. She still had a lot of money which she kept in a bank account so it couldn't be stolen. On her though she carried only a 1,000 yen. I thought that that was a good idea and wished I had brought some money for buy things I might need. Makoto was about 16 years old and tall for her age. She wasn't very attractive because of her height but she did have nice green eyes. I noticed that about her immediately. Her eyes were very soft and loving. They could shine on you with the uttermost care then flash with fire directed at someone who angered her. I would see that in the coming days.

We reached Korea in the morning of April 2nd, 1944. All the girls were herded off the boat and we once again climbed back onto trucks which this time would take us to our final destination. The army had a camp situated near the southern most point of Korea by the ocean. From that camp they launched their invasions of men who would go and fight in the Pacific islands. From this camp they also controlled the near by towns and cities. If there had been window for me to look out of I would probably would have seen the rice fields and the people working them has we drove out of the town into the country. There the road got bumpy and inside we fell upon each other as we were pushed around by the velocity and movement of the truck. It was a miserable ride over a bumpy dusty road through the country. Finally though we made it to our destination and for the last time the doors were thrown open and the sunlight blinded us. With the soldiers insistence we climbed down from the truck and were gathered into a group with the soldiers milling around us. I noticed that a second truck had pulled up and more girls were getting out but that they were separated from us into another group.

It was to these two groups that the head officer came towards us. He had a prideful walk and his hands were clasped behind his back as he puffed out his chest and came to a stop in front of us.

" Ladies! Today your work for our divine Emperor begins. You have been brought her to work for our brave soldiers going to the front. You in a sense will become comfort women and offer them the comfort and spirit to fight on against the white devils."

I felt Rei's hand slip into mine and squeeze tightly at these words. All around me a cry took up as some of the girls began asking questions. Some were confused but others got it almost immediately. These girls who understand began to cry and tried to run off but were caught by the soldiers and pushed back into the group.

" Each of you will be given a room of your own with your name on the door. You will be expected to serve every man who comes to you. The only exception is if you feel he is to drunk. You will have weekly inspections by a doctor to check for vernal diseases and if do have you will be treated accordingly and then put back to work. Sickness is not allowed. Do not think you can fake an illness. You will be expected to work everyday except on Wednesdays when the doctor comes. For the Japanese women," he turned to us. " You will be living in Army Barrack D. That is closer to the army base so you be able to fraternize with the men at your wishing." He smiled at us with crooked yellow teeth.

"For the Korean women you will be in Army Barrack F on the other side of the field. We don't want you to be to close to contaminate our men. Although I do say you all will be put to good use." The Korean women were crying now, their sobs filling the air while the soldiers held them back with their guns pointed into the crowd.

As for me I was to stunned to cry. I just held onto Rei's hand tightly as the officer laughed at us and our pleas and cries. He seemed to think this was a mighty joke but it wasn't. I had just realized what I had gotten myself into. Mama's face rose in front of me and suddenly I was crying silently, the tears streaming down my face. I could feel the heavy silver of the cross touching my stomach and I now knew why she had given me the rosary. I would need protection from anything that could happen now. I was completely alone in the world. Now my mother had thought I was going to work in a factory. Neither one of us knew that I would be doing this instead, offering my body to men that I would never see again. I clasped my free hand around the cross hanging underneath my clothes and whispered the words mama had whispered in my ear.

" Lord give me strength."

After the officer had finished laughing were taken away headed towards our barracks. The ground was dusty beneath our feet from many shoes walking over it. We passed through a barbed wire fence into a main courtyard. The courtyard had a cement floor and a wooden roof built over it. It was there that we could get air and see the sunshine. But today that didn't matter. Instead we were taken a to a large brick house where we were ushered inside. Our belongings were taken from us and searched. The man who searched my bag laughed as he held up the rabbit but he allowed me to keep it. He took the make up from the bottom and handed it to me.

" Put this on for your picture. We don't need you looking ugly," he growled shutting the bag and handing it back to me. I was going to ask him about my picture and what he meant by that but he had already moved onto to another girl. I walked over to where Rei stood holding her bag in front of her. Her lips were pushed into a tight line.

" The soldier says we have to put on make up for our pictures," I said holding up my tin of powder and lipstick. She looked down at the contents and sighed. " They are going to take fancy pictures of us and hang them on the walls so the soldiers can have their pick of a girl."

I felt my heart skip a beat. So that was why he told me to buy the make up and new dress. I was to pretty myself up for the soldiers who would use me for their own sexual purposes. Rei saw the look on my face and acted fast. " Usagi-san don't say anything. They have already taken away a girl for fighting back. Here come with me." She took my hand and led me to a corner. We both kneeled down and she took the make up. " Just pretend that you're a movie star and that I am making you beautiful for your appearance on the screen," Rei said setting down the lipstick and opening the tin of powder. She took the pink fluff and dabbed it into the powder then began applying it to my face. I closed my eyes as she brushed the fluff all over my face then gently rubbed it in with her fingertips.

" It makes your skin look so white," she whispered as she rubbed the powder into my cheeks.

" Like a lotus blossom," I replied using his nick name for me.

" Or a Casablanca, my favorite flower."

I smiled and opened my eyes as she closed the tin again and reached for the lipstick. I had picked out a soft pink color since pink was my favorite color. She gently ran it over my lips, rubbing it in in some places then applying another layer. I pursed my lips together once then looked at her. She smiled at me and nodded. " Even those these are pictures of sin, you still look beautiful."

" Do you want me to do you next?" I asked but she shook her head and handed me the make up. " I don't wear colors on my face. I let my natural beauty show through," she replied standing up. I stood up and retrieved my bag.

By this time everyone had had their bag searched and was putting on make up. We were then lined up in a line around the room. A tall thin man who I would later learn was the owner of the house set up a camera on a tripod in the middle of the room facing a wall with a white blanket tacked to it. His wife, a short fat woman with her black hair pulled up into a loose bun and wearing a pink flowered kimono ushered us one by one in front of the camera and instructed us what to do. We were to kneel and sit on our legs and hold a small fan in front of us. We were to look proactive and lustful in the pictures. One girl who heard this started crying. Rei and Makoto both just pursed their lips into tight lines and said nothing. I felt my heart skip another beat as the thought of being alone with a man came to my head.

The woman I should say was Korean by birth and nationality and her Japanese wasn't very good. She shouted things at us in the best way she could which was short terse sentences that sometimes didn't make sense.

" Look pretty!" She would yell pointing a stubby finger at us.

Some of the girls tried to look pretty and would smile for the cameras. The older woman with the pox marks even tried to look lustful but truthfully she looked terrible. She looked haggardly and like a woman who had been at her profession for to long. One by one though we sat in front of that camera and had our picture taken. Some of the girls who were young like me tried to look unattractive by not smiling and slumping their shoulders. For this the fat woman in pink would yell until finally she gave up and the picture was taken. Makoto who was in front of me actually openly glared at the camera.

" No pretty face! Smile at camera!" The woman yelled but Makoto just glared at her then turned back to the camera. Her picture was taken and she stood up and walked over to where the other girls stood near a tall soldier with his rifle.

Then it was my turn. I was shaking with fear as I walked up to the woman. She brushed some of the powder on my face with her and smoothed down my hair.

" Be pretty for camera and you will be one of my favorites," the woman said patting my cheek then indicating for me to kneel. I did just that and picked up the fan. It was a cheap paper fan with a red bird and a blue flower on it and some Kanji that I can't remember what it said.

" Smile!" The woman yelled. " Be pretty!"

I looked up into the eye of the camera and I smiled. I smiled a small smile that made me look innocent and wide eyed, but also afraid. In the picture you can see fear in my eyes. The camera clicked and I was temporarily blinded by the flash. Then the woman was commanding me to get up and join the other girls. I closed the fan and set it down and stood up. I walked over to where Makoto stood. I didn't know I was shaking until she put her arm around me and squeezed my shoulder.

" Be still, its going to be alright," she whispered into my ear.

I leaned into her embrace. It was comforting to have human touch even if later that night it would be different.

Now I must speak of Rei. She would become my best friend while we were locked away in hell. She was always there for me. I could have no better friend. Rei is a little taller then me with long black hair that goes past her hips. She wears it down most of the time although sometimes she'll put up in a bun and secure it with two sticks. Her body was well shown in the clothes that she wore that day. A red skirt that went down to her knees and a white blouse that showed her arms. What is most interesting about Rei is her eyes. They are a deep shade of purple. The first time I looked into her eyes I saw the flash of her spirit, it was like fire. I saw that fire again as she stepped forward and was stopped by the fat woman.

Like I said, Rei had refused to wear make up, so her skin was pure and smooth. The woman took a hold of her arms and looked right into Rei's eyes. She then smiled and let go.

" You will be my personal best. You are my most beautiful." Then the woman stepped back and allowed Rei to kneel down in front of the camera. She picked up the fan and snapped it open.

" You will pay for your sins," Rei replied looking up at the woman then back to the camera. She had a determined look on her face as her picture was taken. In her eyes you could see fire. She was still beautiful though and a personal favorite of the men. My poor dear friend…


	3. Chapter 3

Japanese Moon

Chapter Three

By A Shot of Amber

I had to rest my hand for a bit after I finished writing about the pictures. The nurse came in and told me to sleep. She gave me a shot in my arm and I fell asleep instantly. She said it was a sedative so I didn't dream. I didn't, my mind was blank all night long and I woke to rain clouds this morning. The rain is perfect though for my mood and what I'm about to write about. You will probably find this as the most shocking of my story. I ask that you don't put this book down until you have finished reading what I have to say. Its hard for me to write this since I have to bring back memories but I want to do it, I want you to know everything.

After we got our pictures taken the man and woman led us to another room where a man in a white doctors coat stood. He had a stethoscope around his neck and was standing next to a bed. A low mummer took up around the girls as we asked each other what was going to happen. What was going to happen was that we were to be examined by the doctor. We needed to be checked for disease to make sure that we could work. The doctor gave a short speech, I don't remember what he said because I was shaking again with fear. After that we were told to line up in the hall and one by one we went into that room and shut the door. Makoto was once again in front of me with Rei behind me. I held both their hands in my hands as I watched girls walk in and then out with tears streaming down their faces. We didn't get to ask these girls what happened because they were led off immediately and the next girl was pushed in. Finally it was Makoto's turn, she squared her shoulders and walked in, the door closing behind her.

Next to me Rei was chanting something in Japanese, it sounded like a prayer and suddenly I could feel the weight of my mother's rosary around my neck. I had this sudden urge to pray and was going to clasp my hands together when I saw a soldier watching me, so I didn't. Instead I closed my eyes and whispered the Lord's Prayer to myself. Then the door opened and Makoto walked out. I looked up at her just as Rei stopped chanting but she didn't look at us and instead allowed the fat woman to lead her away.

Now it was my turn. The soldier pushed me in the room and closed the door. I was left standing there looking at the doctor who had a clipboard and was writing something on it. Then he flipped the page and looked at me.

" What is your name?"

" Tuskino, Usagi," I replied.

" How old are you?"

" Sixteen."

" Eh, a young one," the doctor replied writing something down then he looked at me. His eyes were deep set and almost black. The next question he asked me almost sent me into a fit of tears.

" Are you a virgin?"

I was shaking badly now. I clasped my hands in front of me and bit my lips to stop the flow of tears. I didn't want to be lead away like that one girl so I answered him in a slightly unsteady voice.

" Yes," I replied.

He nodded and wrote something down then he set down his pen and looked at me. " Please remove your undergarments and lie down on that bed."

" Why?" I cried suddenly feeling afraid of what was to come.

The doctor sighed and rubbed his forehead. " Because I need to check you for disease. Don't worry, I won't hurt you."

I looked at him, he was looking back at me. Suddenly I didn't feel as afraid, I felt like I could trust him. So I removed my underwear but not my dress and lay down on the bed. He lifted my skirt and did a quick pelvic exam, it hurt but I didn't cry out although the whole time my face was bright red even under the powder I wore. Finally he was finished and he indicated for me to put my underwear back on, I did.

" You are a virgin Tuskino-san, that is without a doubt. You have no vernal disease so you will be able to work tonight. Madam Jin will show you to your room." He turned his back to me and started writing on his clipboard.

I turned also and opened the door to leave the room. Outside I looked at Rei who was watching me and flashed her a smile before the fat woman, Madam Jin took my arm and led me away down the hall.

We left the brick building and walked into the courtyards towards a long wooden building with doors leading into rooms. She took me to a door with my name on it close to the brick house and unlocked it.

" This be your room. You live here and service men. Your stuff is in here." Then she shoved me in and closed the door.

I was left in a small wooden room with a bed in one corner made up with a blue wool blanket and white sheets. There was no window although we did have electricity burning from the one bare bulb hanging from the ceiling. My bag had been set on the bed. I walked towards it and opened it. All my possessions were still in there. I carefully began sorting them out taking out the stuffed rabbit which I lay on top of the pillow. I then hung up my mirror on one of the several nails protruding from the wall. My clothes I kept in the bag but I changed out of my dress and pulled on an old pink dress. The hated white dress was folded and tucked at the bottom of the bag. I didn't want to see it anymore. Because of that soldier I was now locked away in a prison where I would be forced to service men sexually. This thought finally broke through my reserves and I started crying. I remember falling to my knees and clutching the rosary beads in my hands as I cried out my fears to myself. When I was out of tears I prayed. I said all the prayers my mother had taught me then exhausted I lied down on the bed and fell asleep, the rosary beads all the time tucked into my hand.

I was awoken at sunset by a soft knock on the door. Quickly, fearing the worse I tucked my beads underneath my pillow and stood up. I was afraid that it was Madam Jin or even worse a soldier. It was neither, instead Rei stood there wearing her red dress. She rushed in and shut the door.

" I'm sorry if I scared you Usagi-san. I had to get out of the confines of my room," Rei said as she walked over to my bed and sat down.

" Where's Makoto-san?" I asked leaning against the door with my hands bracing the wood.

" I don't know. Your door was the first one I found since its right next to mine. We are first and second of the row of doors that leads all the way through the yard."

" Does that mean something bad?" I asked suddenly afraid of what she may say.

" I don't know. It could be just coincidence or it could mean that we are to become favorites of the soldiers and thus we were put closest to the house." She adjusted the sleeve of her blouse, pulling it down over one wrist. The she spoke again, this time in a quieter voice. " The others are saying there is going to be a party tonight. We are to serve food and drink to the soldiers who are coming tonight."

" But I thought we were to service them?" I replied suddenly feeling confused and I admit a little hopeful.

" We are. There will be a selection process. Each soldier will choose the girl that he wants and then take her back to her room to…to…" she stopped and adjusted the sleeve of her blouse again, a quick nervous gesture.

I walked over to the bed and sat down next to her. I put my arm around her and she seemed to lean into the embrace but only slightly. She didn't cry or even shake with hidden sobs. She was deathly silent. I was silent to and just sat there holding her until she spoke again.

" Usagi-san what is your religion?" Rei asked quietly.

" Mama raised me to be a Christian," I replied.

" Then you defy the Emperor in your prayers." She smiled, a quiet sad smile.

I was sitting next to the pillow where my beads were hidden. Slowly with one hand I pulled them out and pooled them in one hand. Rei turned her head and looked at them then took them from me and held them up in the light of the bare bulb.

" What are these?" She asked fingering the silver cross.

" My rosary beads. Mama says I am to pray on them every night."

Rei smiled again and handed me back the beads. " They are a beautiful color red."

" Like the blood of Christ," I replied.

" Will not all of Neptune's great oceans wash this blood from my hands?" Rei replied.

" What did you say?" I asked suddenly confused.

" It's a quote from the William Shakespeare play Macbeth. I always loved that line and it seemed so right to say it now."

" Oh…" Was all I could say.

Then she spoke again. " Hide your beads Usagi-san from the soldiers. Hide them so they never get stolen or broken. Christianity maybe seen has bad by the soldiers who visit."

" I will Rei-san," I replied stuffing the beads into the lining of my pillow so they weren't seen anymore.

" Very good." Rei replied then looked up as a loud rap came at the door. Rei suddenly seemed to freeze in my arms then stood up and brushed off the skirt of her dress. She walked over to the door and opened it to reveal Madam Jin still dressed in that same shiny pink kimono.

" Everyone out!" Madam Jin commanded pulling Rei out and beckoning for me to follow. I got up also and stepped out into the starlit courtyard.

Madam Jin was studying both Rei and I with a scowl. " No make up, no good!" She was angry that we hadn't beautified ourselves but I had refused to put on the hated make up the soldier had bought me and make myself look beautiful for other men. It didn't matter though. She shut the door and led us over to the group then we began walking over to the brick house which was a glow with lights.

" Soldiers be here! You all look pretty!" She commanded then opened the back door and we shuffled into the kitchen. Inside the tall thin man who I call Jin-kun stood near the door into the other room.

" Ladies!" He said looking over us. His Japanese unlike his wife's was good. "Tonight you will began your service to the Emperor."

One of the girls started crying silently. Madam Jin glared at her while another girl put her arm around the crying girl and tried to comfort her.

" Weeping is weakness! These men expect smiles from you women! Smile and be pretty for our brave soldiers!" He smiled, a cold sick smile. " You will be paid five yen for each man you take tonight. Your night will end when the sun rises then you may sleep. I expect each one of you to take your fair share of men, at least five each."

Someone in the crowd gasped.

" You are working for our brave Emperor! Glory be with him!" Then he was finished and we were directed to take trays of food and drinks and follow him into the other room.

Throughout his speech I had felt my blood run colder and colder until it was frozen ice in my veins. I took up a tray with tall glasses of alcohol in them and followed the others into a large room where at least two dozen soldiers and some officers stood talking. At the sight of us they quieted down and I saw their eyes light up.

" Smile and be pretty!" Madam Jin hissed scattering us around the room to serve our trays and make conversation with the men. I was pushed towards two men standing near the fireplace. They were both tall, taller then me with clean shaven faces although one had some nicks on his face has if though he had lost control of his razor. I bowed to them and held out my tray of drinks, they both took a glass and smiled at me.

" What is your name?" The taller of the two asked.

" Tuskino Usagi," I replied.

" Ah, Usagi. You are a rabbit I see," the taller man replied smiling down at me from his height. " Tell me, what brings you here?"

" I was forced here," I replied suddenly standing up a little straighter and looking that man straight in the eye.

He just threw back his head and laughed then took a swig of his drink. " She has spirit," he said to his companion who smiled knowingly.

" That she does. Will you buy a ticket for her?" The other man asked while I stood there confused over the concept of tickets.

" Perhaps. I still want to see what else they have to offer," the taller man replied then looked over at me. " Perhaps I'll see you later Usagi."

I just looked at him and then I turned away and walked off. I was trying to figure what he meant by tickets has I served drinks to the other men. Actually they just took drinks off my tray has I walked around the room lost in my thoughts.

Let me describe the room for you. It was a large room with an oriental rug on the floor that covered the wooden boards underneath it. There was a large brick fireplace against one wall where the two men that I had first talked to stood. Also in the room were scattered pieces of furniture including two couches, some chairs, and a piano. One of the girls, whom I would later get to know had sat down behind that piano and was playing music for us. I'm not good at identifying music but someone said it was Beethoven that was playing. I don't know who Beethoven is but the music was still beautiful.

With the music playing, the soldiers stopped talking to each other and started talking to us. I noticed that one soldier, a particularly fat man had cornered Rei in a corner and was talking to her or at least he was trying. Rei had her empty tray against her chest and spoke to him in a cold demeaning manner but that didn't stop him from asking her question while his eyes roamed over her. Makoto was also trapped by two men. They stood near to the fire place where they both asked her questions. She seemed more at ease then Rei was even smiling as the men treated her very kindly.

Me? I went back forth into the kitchen getting trays of drinks and food and passing them out. The girl behind the piano was playing an upbeat tune and even had some men talking to her has she played. They leaned against the piano and asked her questions which she replied to has her fingers roamed over the keys. I was alone though, just wondering the room never really speaking to anyone. Some soldiers asked my name but no one pulled me aside and spoke to me. Then I didn't really let anyone. I would bow and hold my tray so they take a drink or a piece of food and then I would be off the next person. I did this until I went back into the kitchen and encountered Madam Jin. She was speaking to the tall thin man, her husband in Korean so I didn't know what she was saying. Instead I ignored them and began pouring some more drinks into glasses. She said something then turned to me.

" You, Usagi!" She said coming towards me and grabbing my arm. She looked into my eyes and smiled. " You no speak to soldiers?"

" I can't when I'm serving drinks," I replied but she just shook her head. " No good," she said letting go of my arm and rushing into the other room.

" Usagi-san?" The tall thin man said coming up to me.

" Yes?" I replied turning to look at him.

" I think you are done with serving. Go to your room now and wait there until you are called back."

I looked at him almost confused but I nodded and set down my tray and left through the back door. Obviously I had failed at whatever I was doing but part of me was glad that I had failed to attract any men. Tonight I would remain alone, or at least I hoped so.

Outside in the courtyard the moon was shining. In a few days we would have a full moon. Tonight it was very bright as I walked through the dust to my door. I put hand on the knob then stopped and looked up at the stars. We were in the country so I could see so many stars. More then I had ever seen while at home. It was a beautiful sight, the last beautiful thing I've seen in a long time. I opened my door and walked into my room and sat down on the bed. I wasn't sleepy because something inside me felt anxious like something bad was going to happen. I tried dismiss the feeling, but it continued. How could something bad happen to me when I had been sent to my room alone while the other girls continued to entertain the soldiers? I obviously had done something wrong. Maybe I wasn't good enough to be a comfort girl? Maybe I would be sent home. I smiled at the thought and took my beads out from underneath my pillow. I was fingering them when I heard voices. It was Madam Jin and a man. Quickly I shoved the beads under my pillow and looked at the door.

There was a sharp knock then the door opened. Madam Jin stood outside with the tall soldier who had asked my name. She held open the door for him and he walked inside. Suddenly I felt fear run through my veins as she looked at me and gave me a quick glare. " You be good," she said then shut the door.

" Hello Usagi-san," the man said smiling at me.

" What are you doing here?" I asked clutching the blanket underneath me so I could still the shaking in my hands.

He just laughed again and sat down next to me on the bed. " You are a pretty one," he said reaching up to stroke my hair. I pulled away but he only moved closer. "We are lucky to get such pretty girls this time."

" Please stop that," I replied standing up to move away from him but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back down on the bed. He pushed me down onto the pillow and took a hold of my other wrist. I was lying there on that bed with him holding my arms down on either side of me while he loomed over me and grinned.

" You are a stubborn one," he said pushing his body over mine. " I can take that fire out of you though." He moved my arms up above my head and took a hold of them with one hand and moved to take off my dress. I started to kick and scream but he only laughed and undid the buttons of my dress. The cloth fell away in folds and with one hand he ripped my underwear.

I was afraid now. My heart was beating so fast and I was screaming so loudly but no one came to my rescue. Instead I heard something else, more screams. Next door to me the girl in that room was also screaming and I realized that she was going through what I was going through.

" Usagi. Such a beautiful name for such a beautiful girl," the soldier said in a caressing voice has he unzipped his pants.

I started to scream louder and kick my legs hoping to hurt him but he only pressed his weight down on me and stilled my kicking legs.

I must stop here. I can't go on. The tears are running down my cheeks and has you can are dropping on the pages of this book. I thought when I began to write this that I could describe the whole thing for you so you had a clear picture but I cannot. It hurts me to much to write it so instead I will leave out the description and let create the pictures in you head.

After the soldier was done raping me he stood up and zipped his pants back up. There was blood on his uniform, my blood. There was blood on the blanket and blood on my now ruined dress. I just lay there in a daze feeling the pain but to scared to cry anymore. I didn't watch him leave, he didn't say anything has he left. He just opened the door and walked out leaving me on that bed just lying there in a daze. I didn't blink has I stared at the ceiling. I was numb to everything but that numbness could only last so long. Slowly I came back to my senses and stood up. I was naked from the waist up and I hurt. I could feel the pain, a raw pain as I set my feet down on the dirt floor and looked at the blood staining my blanket. Then it all came to me and I started screaming. I took a hold of my face and just screamed, a raw painful cry that came from my throat that never seemed to stop.

The door flew open and someone rushed in. I didn't see who it was but all of a sudden I was afraid again that I would have to go through that ordeal again. I was so afraid that I screamed even louder as the person put their arms around me and hugged me tightly.

It was Rei. She had been next door when she saw the soldier leave and heard my screams. She had ran out and ran to my room to quiet me down.

" Usagi! Usagi! Stop! You must stop or you'll bring the others!" Rei yelled holding my tightly. I looked at her, at her familiar face and I stopped. I stopped screaming and just stared at her. Her hair was mussed up and she was dressed in a blood stained dress, much like mine. But it was Rei, my friend. Suddenly I burst into tears and fell into her arms. She held me tightly has I cried and mumbled things that neither one of us could understand.

While I was crying someone else came in the room, Makoto. She closed the door behind her and leaned against it taking in the scene.

" I knew it was going to be the hardest for her," Makoto sighed walking over to the bed and putting her arms around me. Together in the arms of Makoto and Rei I just cried. I was filled with so much pain and fear that I couldn't stop. They didn't make me either, the just held me and stroked my hair or squeezed my body. I had never felt so dirty as I did then but I never had felt so much love as I did then.

Gradually I stopped crying, I ran out of tears. Makoto took upon herself to remove the blood stained dress and blanket and take them to her room. When she returned it was with her blanket which she wrapped around me while Rei brought me a new pair of underwear. I numbly put them on then looked up at them. They both were looking at me with sad eyes and I knew they had gone through the same thing as me. I then looked back down at the ground and sighed. I felt like I was depths of hell at the moment but then Makoto kneeled down in front of me and took my hand.

" Usagi-san," she said looking into my eyes.

" Makoto-san," I replied softly.

" Go to sleep. The sun is nearly risen and you need your strength," she whispered softly.

I nodded and lay down on the bed, my head touching the pillow with mussed up hair that was falling out of my buns. Makoto stood up and smoothed the blanket over me. Then she leaned down and kissed my cheek.

" Goodnight Usagi-san," she said moving towards the door but I stopped her by grabbing her hand.

" Please call me Usagi-chan," I replied looking up at her and then at Rei who was watching the whole scene.

" Of course, Usagi-chan." She squeezed my hand then let go as Rei walked over. Rei kneeled down next to me and took my hand in her own.

" I'm so sorry Usagi-chan." She said squeezing my hand gently.

" Its okay Rei-chan," I replied smiling up at her with a weak smile. She smiled back then kissed my forehead and stood up. Together she and Makoto left the room leaving me alone in the dark. Before the door closed I could see that the moon had set and that the sun was rising. Then because I felt so weak and tired I fell into a dreamless sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Japanese Moon

Chapter Four

By A Shot of Amber

My hands are shaking a little bit right now because of what I just wrote. I'm sorry if my writing is a little hard to read. My English is not that good and now I keep thinking of the first night I was in the camp and that makes it even harder to concentrate. I keep putting the pen down and just looking out the window to watch the trees wave in the breeze. Just a little while ago there was a bird sitting outside my window just looking around and singing a song. It was beautiful bird with a red breast. I watched that bird sing until it flew away then I picked up my pen and resolved myself to write again.

After the first night I slept all day without anyone waking me. I woke up that afternoon maybe around 3pm, I don't know, I didn't have a watch with me. Instead I woke up to a sore painful feeling between my legs and the memories of what had happened. I wanted to cry but there were no tears left in me. Instead I felt sort of empty, like my soul had leaked out of my pores and I was just an empty shell. I didn't even try to remember everything that had happened to me and to tell you the truth, I can't. A nurse who I have become friends with here says I was in shock.

Let me explain this to you and maybe to myself because I still don't understand it. A nurse who comes and gives me my medicines says I was in shock for the days after the rape. She says she is studying psychology in school right now but dropped out to work for the Red Cross. She says that because I went through such a traumatic experience such as rape my body went into shock mode and my mind blocked the most painful images of that night. She is right because I can't remember much of anything from the soldier walking in to Rei covering me with a blanket. All I can remember is that I screamed so loudly that Rei heard it in her room and that is why she came to me.

The next afternoon when I woke up I immediately changed out of my bloody clothes and pulled on some clean ones. I changed into a clean dress and brushed my hair. I wanted to wash myself but I didn't know where there was water to be found so I tried to rub the blood stains of my skin with a piece of cloth. They came off but I still felt dirty. I felt ashamed and I could feel the soreness between my legs. It was throbbing so badly, it hurt but there was nothing I could do to stop it. After I was done, I took my wadded up clothing, the one's covered with blood and walked out of my room. Outside there was a garbage can near the back door of the big house where we had entertained the soldiers. I lifted the lid of that garbage can and threw my clothes away. I never wanted to see them again. Then I put the lid back on and walked away back towards the camp where the girls were.

Some of the girls had come out of their rooms. Many of them had the same look on their face has I did. They looked pale and scared and worn out even though last night was only the first night. I went to one of them, a girl with long black hair done in a braid and asked her where the water for bathing was. She pointed me towards a building at the end of the row of doors. I thanked her and went towards it. One girl was just coming out of the door. She smiled at me, she was a tall girl with snapping black eyes.

" You don't have a towel," the girl said noticing my empty hands.

" I left it back in my room," I replied looking back towards my door.

She just smiled and handed me her towel. " You can borrow mine. Its better to take a shower now then later. I'm in room eight when you want to return it." She then walked off towards her room leaving me standing there. I looked down at the towel, it was slightly damp but still good. So I stepped into the building and locked the door. Inside the room there was a bath tub and a shower stall. The wooden floor was wet with water and slightly slippery. I stepped lightly over it and began to fill the bathtub with water. While it filled I slipped off my clothes and stepped into the warm steamy water. There was a cake of yellow soap sitting on the edge of the bath tub. I took the soap and began to scrub at the blood still lingering on my legs. I then scrubbed my whole body, digging my nails into some places has if to take the skin right off my body. I did this all over, where ever the soldier had touched me until I deemed myself clean. I then washed and rinsed my hair and stepped out of the bath. Standing there naked I looked down at water, it was slightly dirty, a filmy brown. I reached into the water and pulled the plug and watched it all disappear down the drain. Only then did I get dress.

Outside the girls had all gathered into the courtyard where Jin-san, the tall thin man who controlled us stood. I walked up to the group, my long hair gathered one hand and watched him has he looked at each one of us. Then he spoke and my blood ran cold.

" Ladies! I am disappointed with your conduct last night as our the soldiers you entertained. They asked for beautiful young women and I gave them little girls. I expect all of you to shape up and take the task in front of you. Today was your free day but that won't happen anymore. Madam Jin and I have come up with the schedule for which you follow. In the morning from 9am to noon you will entertain the privates. You will then have a break from noon to 3pm. From 3pm to 5pm you will entertain the low ranking officers. Then from 6pm to midnight you will entertain the high ranking officers. Only at midnight will you be allowed to sleep. I expect each one of you to follow this plan. Remember that you are working for our brave Emperor. Never forget that glory be with Japan!" He then looked over us one more time and walked off. Some of the girls were crying but I was silent. I felt something inside me want to cry but there were no tears left in me. Instead I walked back to my room and went inside to brush my hair and put it up in its buns.

While I was doing this Makoto knocked at the door. I had left the door open to get some air into my room. She knocked on the splintered wood and walked in. I turned away from the mirror and looked at her. She was dressed in a white shirt and a pair of black pants. I knew if mama saw her, she would have told Makoto to change her clothes and act like a lady but we weren't ladies here. We were less then human beings.

I pushed the last pin into my hair and smiled at her. She smiled back then walked up to me and kind of fell into my arms. I realized then that I had to be the stronger one. I couldn't cry because she was crying. With her in my arms we sat on the bed while she wiped away her tears and sort of gave me a watery smile.

" I'm sorry Usagi-chan. I just had to be with someone who understood."

" You heard his announcement?" I asked her, one arm still holding her protectively.

" Yes I did," she replied wiping away another tear. Then she looked up at me and our eyes met, I think it was the first time I ever looked straight into her eyes. She smiled again then moved away from me.

" As you know my parents died just two years ago." She lay back against the wall behind my pillow and looked up at the ceiling. " When they died, I think that was the hardest day of my life. I was alone in the world with nothing to protect me. I was the one who had to sell my childhood home and at the age of fourteen become an adult. I had decided though that if I were to become an adult I wanted to be a lady. I wanted to meet a prince who would call me his princess and take me away from all the pain and suffering I have seen."

" You are a lady Makoto-chan," I replied softly.

She shook her head and sighed. " No Usagi-chan I am not a lady anymore. I never was. I am simply a girl with a dream that I have to give up. A lady would never be subjected to this. I am just Kino Makoto now, a person without anyone to turn to except herself. I will never be a lady."

Her hands were folded in her lap. I reached over and took one in my own hands. She looked down at me in surprise as I smiled at her. " To me Makoto-chan you will always be a lady and no matter what you will always have me to turn to. I will never leave you."

She smiled then and tightened the grip on my hand. " Thank you Usagi-chan."

After that Makoto and I just sat there looking out the door at the people passing by. Eventually Madam Jin came by with our suppers. When she saw Makoto sitting in my room she said nothing but just handed us two trays of food and walked off. Rei came out of her room where she had been all day and joined us for our dinner. We sat on the floor in a circle by my bed with the door open so a breeze could come in and ate. Before we ate though we prayed. Rei asked me to say a prayer for our meal because she had heard that Christians do that. I blushed at this but I asked everyone to join hands and I tired my hardest to say the prayer that mother always said over our meals. I couldn't remember some parts so I left them out but I did do a good job because Rei smiled when I was finished and praised me for the beauty of my words. Then we ate in silence as the dark descended outside. When we were finished I stacked up all the trays and put them outside for Madam Jin to collect. They were left by my door which I closed to the night and sat down again with my friends. We joined hands, not for anything special, but to simply feel human contact between each other. Eventually I began talking about my family and my home and Makoto joined in. Soon we were talking about our lives in Tokyo and the atmosphere grew lighter. I heard Madam Jin pick up the tray as there was a lull in the talk when she did but then Rei said something and we began again. It grew late and I grew tired, so did Rei and Makoto. We grew quiet and just sat there, our hands in our laps. Finally Rei said something, I guess to make me feel better about tomorrow.

" Usagi-chan will you be able to make it through tomorrow?" She asked me.

I nodded. I don't know why I nodded but I did. The nurse says I did it because I was in shock and something inside of me had died but something else had come alive. The thing that had come alive was strength. She said deep down inside me I knew this couldn't last forever and that it would end soon so my heart and soul fed on this knowledge and that is what pulled me out of bed everyday to service those men. I asked if it was the same for Rei and Makoto. She said it was although Rei maybe a different case because many times Rei fought the system and won. Makoto on the other hand had given up hope like me and simply preformed her task because she knew there was no other way, her dream of being a lady was dead so now she was simply a pawn for men and she was performing her job. For me the nurse said I had grown up from a little girl to a grown woman in that night because I had to. She says I matured and faced my task because something inside me told me to.

I don't know if I believe that nurse. How could I want to be with those men? Every time one of them came in my room I felt disgust at them but I let them come in and as I serviced them I would close my eyes and imagine Jesus's face looking down at me and smiling. Mama had told me once that whenever I was feeling pain or suffering to imagine the face of Jesus looking down at me and smiling. So I did, sometimes I would change the image and imagine Rei and Makoto and I running free from the camp and going home but I never saw the image of my family. I kept them away because if I imagined them I would start to cry. I never wanted mama to see me like this. It was too painful.

It's to painful to write about this. I don't when you are going to visit again but I don't want you to see me like this. I have tears streaming down my face right now. I see myself with those men like I'm a spirit who was hovering above the bed each time. Its so painful to see the image. I want to block it so badly but I can't, every time I write down a word it comes back to me. I can't write about my daily activities anymore. I know you want to hear the truth but I can't write anymore. I can't tell you about the men I serviced or what they made me do. I can't do it, I'm sorry but it's so painful.

But I'm not going to stop here. I feel what really needs to be talked about were the girls in the camp. They were the ones who kept me from going mad. I didn't get to know all of them since some only spoke Korean and I don't know that language but there was one that I truly remember as being something really special to me. Her name was Izanami Hoshi. Translated it roughly means, a star who wishes to enter. She was the girl who played piano on the first night that we entertained the soldiers. She was short like me with short black hair that she pulled back into a bun and secured with white mother of pearl clip. She had these long beautiful hands with thin fingers. She said her hands were long and thin because she played piano. I thought they were beautiful. She had begun to play piano when she was six years old and her mother started giving her lessons. Her mother loved the piano and played also. Hoshi was seventeen years old when she came to the camp. She had been playing piano for eleven years now and had mastered many of the classics. She said piano was her only love and when she was at home she would play all the time for her mother who was getting arthritis in her hands and was unable to play anymore. When I asked Hoshi why she was in camp she grew silent and looked down at the ground. Finally she spoke and her voice was very quiet. Her father wanted to be a soldier in the army despite his age but had turned away. Instead he worked for a civilian position helping the army. When he found out that they were searching for young girls to work for the soldiers in an unknown position, he signed her up. She had been playing piano for her mother when he came home and told her to pack her bags because she was leaving the next morning on a train to Tokyo. Her mother tried in vain to change her father's mind but he was firm in his stance and Hoshi was forced to say goodbye to her mother the next morning and board that train with a soldier who would take her to Tokyo and to the trucks that I had gotten on.

Her mother and father never knew what she was forced into. I'm sure no one ever told them. Hoshi and I would sit in the courtyard underneath a tree and talk. She would tell me about her childhood has an only child. Her mother had wanted many children but her father didn't want any. Hoshi was a mistake. When her mother found she was pregnant she was overjoyed but her father was mad. Her mother had the baby though and from birth Hoshi and her mother enjoyed their own private world away from her father. She was taught piano and how to sing. Once Hoshi sang for me and it was a beautiful sound. She had such a beautiful clear voice, like a dove. One of the Korean girls overheard her singing and joined in the song. Together they sang that song to the end while all the other girls listened in. When they were finished we all clapped and Hoshi blushed. The Korean girl who spoke a few words of Japanese took her hand and shook it.

" You sing beautifully," she said smiling down at Hoshi. " Like pretty bird."

" Thank you," Hoshi replied ducking her head down and blushing even harder. After that she didn't sing again even though I asked her too. She said it was too painful because it reminded her of her mother. Her mother had taught her to sing without her father's permission. Whenever her father was at work she and her mother would play piano and sing together. Her father allowed the piano lessons saying that a good Japanese woman knew how to play a musical instrument but he did not allow the singing. He said it would cheapen her as a wife if she knew how to sing. Her father was very mean and strict to her, he was preparing her for marriage from her birth. Her mother was the only one who let her be who she was.

One day we were sitting underneath our tree during a break. She was talking to me about a sonata that she loved by a composer named Beethoven. She said she thought of it at night when the moonlight was shining and she was busy with the men. Because of her skills with the piano she was asked to play for many of the parties. From my room with the door open, I could hear the music. I would stand in the doorway and just listen. I would block out the voices of the men and just listen to the piano, she always played lively upbeat tunes but one night she played a slow song that seemed to quiet everyone down. I remember this because the voices stopped and everyone just listened. Then abruptly the song stopped and the voices started again. I saw the back door open and Hoshi be pushed out. Madam Jin said something to her then slammed the door shut. Hoshi began walking towards her room and was passing mine when I called out to her. She looked up in surprise.

" Usagi-san!"

" Why did Madam Jin send you out here?" I asked her.

Hoshi sighed and looked back towards the house. " Because I played Moonlight Sonata and she said it was to slow."

" Was the slow song that you just played?"

She nodded and gathered some of her skirt in one hand. " Yes. I felt that it fit the mood I was in. I would play it whenever mother and I were feeling low. She and I played to our feelings and tonight I feel particularly low."

" It was a beautiful song," I replied smiling at her.

She smiled back and turned towards her room then she stopped and turned back to me. " If you want, I can show you something."

" What is it?" I asked standing up from the doorway and uncrossing my arms.

" Come with me and see," she replied walking away towards her room. I shut the door to my room and followed her. Her room was bare like mine with the standard bed and blanket and a dirt floor. On a small wooden stool she had placed a box made of shiny wood. On the top white and yellow flowers were painted on it. She picked up the box and sat down on her bed. I sat down next to her. She smiled softly as she opened the box and music filled the room. It was the song, Moonlight Sonata, the slow song she had played in the house.

" My mother gave this to me on my thirteenth birthday. It's a music box from Germany. She had shipped over as a secret from my father and gave it to me as a gift. Moonlight Sonata is her favorite song so she wanted me to have this."

I looked down at the box. Inside it was made of white felt where you could put jewelry or something small. We sat there and listened to the song as it played all the way through then she closed the lid. " I made sure to pack this box with my belongings so my father would never find it. I wanted to bring a piece of my mother with me here."

I nodded in agreement then reached down into my shirt and pulled out the rosary beads which I was wearing around my neck at the time. " My mother gave me this the night before I left. She said to always pray on it and to think of her and God."

Hoshi took the beads in her hand and looked at the silver cross. " Your mother is a Christian?" she asked.

" Yes and so am I. My whole family is although it is a secret from the outside world since the religion of Japan is Shinto."

Hoshi let go of the beads and I tucked them back underneath my shirt. " You are very brave Usagi-san to practice the religion of your own choice."

" You are brave also Hoshi-san. You defy your father and continue to love music."

" Music and my mother are all I have in the world," Hoshi replied looking down at the music box. She stroked the shiny wood and sighed. Without either one of them I would die."

I nodded because that was all I could do. I didn't know what to say to that. Eventually she looked up at me and smiled. " You better get back to your room Usagi-san. The men will be coming soon."

I nodded and stood up and walked to the door but before I left I turned to her and smiled. " Thank you for showing me your music box," I said softly.

" Your welcome," she replied.

Then I left and walked back to my room. Once inside I pulled off my beads and tucked them away in my pillow case. She was right shortly after the soldiers started streaming out and I heard the first knock on my door. Instantly my face went blank as I answered it and let a short fat man in. My duty had begun again

The next morning after I had serviced five men, privates in the army I dressed myself and went to find Hoshi. She wasn't underneath our tree so I walked over to her room but she wasn't there either. I began to ask around but no one had seen her. Finally out of desperation I went to the house and to the main room where the piano was. She was there sitting behind the piano just staring at. As I entered the room she lifted one hand and ran her fingers over the keys.

" Hoshi-san what are you doing in here? Madam Jin will not be happy if she sees you." I said looking around just in case Madam Jin was lurking in a corner but all was quiet.

" I just wanted to see the piano for one last time," Hoshi replied placing her hand back in her lap and wrapping her fingers around it.

" What do you mean?"

She was quiet for a moment then softly she spoke. " One of the officers smashed my music box last night. He knocked it over by accident and when it began to play he got mad and took his rifle and smashed it. Its in pieces now all over the floor. It will never play again." Tears were running down her face as I stood there in shock just listening to this.

" Oh Hoshi-san," I said softly. I reached out to touch her shoulder but she just shook off my hand and stood up. " Please don't give me your pity Usagi-san. I don't need it right now." With that she ran past me into the courtyard leaving me alone in the room. I stood there for a minute just letting everything sink in then I left out the back door. I wanted to go to her room but I didn't, instead I went to my room and took out my beads and prayed for her. It was the only thing I could do.

Now this part is the hardest to write because I can't really believe it ever happened. As I was praying Hoshi went back to her room and gathered up the pieces of her music box. She just looked at them then placed them on the wooden stool and left her room again. Dressed in only her kimono with her hair pulled back and her white socks showing she began running towards the barbed wire fence that kept us locked inside the courtyard. There was a wooden door with wide spaces in between each piece of wood. She ran to that door and tried to squeeze through it. She had one leg through and was trying to push her up body through when a soldier saw her.

I never heard the gun fire but the girls who were outside did. They saw it too. They had seen Hoshi running towards the door and trying to get through. Some were yelling for her to stop and some were running towards her to pull her back but then it was too late. The soldier saw her and pulled his gun out, he shot her and she died with one half of her body outside of the courtyard and the other half inside. She died partially a free woman. The girls who had been running towards her and calling for her stopped and just stood there. The soldier lowered his gun; he was young man with clean cut features. Everyone was still then some other soldiers ran forward to see what the commotion was. They looked at the body of Hoshi lying on the gate then ran forward and pulled her through. She was now completely a free woman. They opened the gate and carried her body inside past the girls who just stared in shock. She was carried inside the brick house where they laid her out on the kitchen table. The bullet had gone straight through her head, killing her instantly. Madam Jin and Jin-kun were furious. By this time I had come outside to see what was going on. One of the girls told me but I refused to believe it. Hoshi couldn't have tried to escape; I refused to believe until Jin-kun gathered us all up and made up march through the kitchen to see Hoshi's body.

When I saw it I broke down into tears and had to be led away by Rei who put her arm me around as I sobbed. It was so hard to believe that Hoshi was dead and that I would never hear her play the piano again. That afternoon they cleaned out her room and put all her stuff in a bag. She was to be sent back to her parents for their choice of burial. From what she told me I knew her father would be proud that she died for the Emperor because they would of course lie to her family and never tell them the truth. On the other side her mother would be devastated. I've always wondered what happened to Hoshi's mother after she found out about her daughter's death. Sometimes I wish I could seek her mother out and tell her of Hoshi's last days with me. I want to tell her mother that Hoshi was happy when she showed me the music box. But I would never tell her what Hoshi was forced to do everyday. That really would hurt her.

Another person who I want to tell you about was Rei. She lives today, she survived this experience though I don't know how. Maybe it was her strength because Rei is an incredibly strong person. She was my strength through all of this, always there for me when I felt like falling. Rei told me her story on the night before our real job began. She had lived with her father until her mother died then had gone to live with her grandfather in his Shinto shrine. She was training to be a priestess. As for the war, neither her grandfather nor she really paid attention to it. They were both in their own little worlds, hers filled with pain. She had fallen in love with her father's assistant Mr. Kaido who basically sold her to the army so he could be rid of her. I know that sounds harsh but that's how Rei puts it. She says that he was going to get married when she was forced into this. One night we were sitting out underneath the stars in the courtyard wrapped in our blankets because it was cold out and she started talking. She said that Mr. Kaido sold her out to the army to become a comfort girl so he would have a clear conscience when he got married. Then, this I remember, she raised one hand and grasped into a fist.

" He will pay for what he did to me," she said in a tight voice while I looked on.

" He will go to hell," I replied.

" I don't believe in hell. I believe in recarntation of the soul. He will be recarniated has something else, something lower then what he is now. He will never reach divine enlightment at this point."

Out of all of us, Rei was the strongest. She dealt with her problems quietly and never cried when a man hurt her. I never really knew if a man did hurt her. I don't know how she lost her virginity. She lost hers at the same time that I lost mine but they were no screams from her room and in fact there was no emotional pain for her. She was able to come to me and comfort me after I was deflowered. I remember that her hair was mussed up and tangled and that there was blood stains on the skirt of her dress but she was quiet and never said a thing about them. The next day she was dressed in a different dress and I never saw the blood stained dress again. I think like me, she threw it out because that was the dress Mr. Kaido bought for her. I think she never wanted to see it again.

We spent a year in that camp working for the soldiers who came in and out, always changing as they spent their last days with us before going to battle. As time went on I got used to them and though little of them. When it was time to go to my room and wait for them I would always say the Lord's Prayer then hide my beads and sit on the bed waiting. Sometimes I had to wait a long time and sometimes I didn't. Sometimes there was a line outside my door and each man came in one at a time. They were allowed only thirty minutes before the next man came in. One time a man went over the time and I remember there was a loud knock on the door and an impatient voice that told him his time was up. He quickly pulled on his clothing and left me sitting on the bed with the blanket pulled up to cover me. He had never spoken a word to me in the thirty five minutes he was there. I never saw him again either, he went into battle the very next day. I don't know if he lived or died, I know nothing about him. I don't even know his name or what he looked like, his face is a blur to me.

Somehow I made it through this horror of hell and came out alive, but I don't think I could've done it alone. I had Rei and I had Makoto. Both where my pillars of strength to keep me from falling. Rei was always there when I needed her. Sometimes I would just sit in my room and cry as I thought of mama and Hoshi and what was happening to me. Rei heard me every time and silently she would open the door and walk in and take me in her arms and let me cry on her shoulder. She never said anything has I just sobbed. Sometimes I talked and told her what was hurting me. She would stroke my hair and chant prayers in Japanese. Those prayers always seemed to calm me down and make me feel better. She was a wonderful friend to me, the best I've ever had.

Makoto was my other pillar of strength. She could make me laugh when no else could. She was always strong and protective like my father or a man. She said she had a manly build and that is why I compare her to my father. Then she would laugh but the laughter never went to her eyes. It was a hallow laughter and I would remember how she had once said she wished she could be a lady.

Makoto wasn't popular with the men. She had her fair share of customers but not as much as Rei or I. I think what the men wanted was weak female creatures and I looked like that. Rei looked like a female but you could see in her that she was strong. Her picture shows her spirit as she glares at the camera. My pictures shows a scared little girl holding a fan and wondering what will come of her. Makoto's pictures shows a woman. She has strength and spirit and to me is a beautiful person. I think Makoto made it out of this the least hurt. She had lost her dream but I think even before this had happened she had already given up on her dream.

Sometimes Makoto talked about a boy she had known who was older then us. This around the anniversary of our first year in camp. I had not written mama and there were no letters from her. I knew there were no letters from her because she didn't know where I was. I wanted to write her but Jin-kun specifically said that we were not to write our families. Instead he took our addresses and acting like a captain or a leader he wrote the exact same letter to each of our families saying that we were well and that we were busy. Then he signed with a fake name and mailed them off. That was in December. I had been away since April. I'm sure mama was worried about me and that letter was a beckon of hope for her that I might come home but I couldn't. I had no money except the meager allowance I was given for my work.

One Saturday I took all my money and went with the others to a town to go shopping. We were told to buy make up and things to make ourselves look pretty. I instead bought food and a three bottles of Coca Cola soda pop. My birthday was coming up and I wanted to celebrate with the girls. I would be seventeen years old.

During our break Madam Jin would keep a sharp eye on us as we wandered through the courtyards taking baths or visiting with the other girls. But during lunch she would slacken her eye and stay in the house while we ate in our rooms. It was on the day of my birthday, June 30th, 1945, a Tuesday, that the girls and I gathered together in the courtyard underneath the wooden pavilion and sat in a circle. We had done this for the other girls and now it was my turn. Each of us took a sip of the soda pop and shared the cookies that I had bought. No one was able to give me a gift but then we never gave each other gifts, instead we all sang in English "Happy Birthday to You" and the girls all hugged me. It was the best birthday I ever had because I had never felt so much love before as I did on that day.

When it was over we gathered up the things and hid them underneath the trash in the garbage can so Madam Jin would never know. Makoto took me to her room and gave me a small gift that she had bought. It was a small wooden rabbit painted white with pink ears. I thanked her for the gift, it was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for me. She then told me to also thank Rei who had chipped in to buy the gift. So with the rabbit in hand I ran to Rei's room and hugged her. She looked surprised then she laughed and hugged me back.

I put that rabbit on the stool right next to my bed so it was the last thing I saw before I went to sleep. I still have that rabbit. It's sitting on the table next to my bed. One of the nurses commented on it asking why I had such a cheap thing in my room. I told her because it was worth more to me then all the riches in the world. It was a sign of an endearing friendship and great sacrifice to give it to me. It was probably the best birthday gift I ever got. I love that little wooden rabbit with all my heart.

Now I must go. I will continue this on another day. The nurse just came in with my shot for the night. I need to sleep. Goodnight.


	5. Chapter 5

Japanese Moon

Chapter Five

By A Shot of Amber

Darien's letter to Usagi

You said you wanted to know about my life. This is a little difficult for me because there isn't much to my life. I'm 21 years old and currently enlisted in the United States Marines. Both of my parents are dead, they died when I was five years old in a car accident. I lived in an orphanage up until I graduated from high school. I graduated in 1942 and immediately moved out. I moved into a dorm room and started going to college to get my degree in medicine. Then in 1944 my number was called.

Basically when I say my number was called I mean that it was time for me to go into the army. Every male in America has a draft number and when our number is picked out of a lottery we get a letter and are told to enlist. I was picked in January of 1944 so I enlisted in the Marines and traveled to California for basic training. I went through the six weeks of training without much problems except for being tired all the time. I guess I had lived a lazy life before I entered the Marines but they fixed me up real good and when I left basic training I was ready. I enlisted in specialty training in Austin, Texas where I learned to be medical personal. I was in charge of treating the wounded during battle.

After training some more in Texas I was shipped out to Hawaii. I stayed there until I was shipped out again to an island in the Pacific where I worked in a hospital. I had been hoping to go into battle but because of my medical training I instead was sent to a captured island to treat wounded soldiers. This was in early 1945, earlier this year when the battle on Iwo Jima happened. I remember all those men coming in after being patched up as good as possible on the ship telling me about the battle. They said it was horrible. They said it was like hell on Earth. Their wounds were awful. One guy who came in had his left arm blown off. He held it against his chest as they rolled him in. I looked down at him and he looked up at me and he smiled.

" Be glad your not out there brother. The Japs are really something to fight." Then he was rolled away. I later heard he died in surgery from loss of blood. I wanted to cry but something inside me told me not too. He was like all the other men fighting and dying out there for the war. He had not died in vain but instead for a great cause, the cause of freedom. I know your Japanese and you believed in the Japanese cause but I'm American and I believed in the American cause. I believed that we were fighting for the basic liberties of men and women alike no matter what color their skin. So that is why I asked to be reassigned in August of 1945 to Japan. We had just dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. You probably didn't hear about them saying you were in Korea. Don't worry about Tokyo, your mother is safe. They wanted to target Tokyo but they didn't and instead they targeted those two cities.

Some of my buddies went into Hiroshima to scout the parameter and to take care of the locals. They were more advanced then I was. Hell they knew a lot more then I did about taking care of battle wounds. I had only been in the service for a year. I could stand and watch a doctor amputate an arm while holding a bowl to collect the flesh, but they didn't think I was good enough to take care of the locals in Hiroshima. Instead I stayed in Tokyo taking care of the locals; giving medical care to soldiers and civilians alike. That was where I first heard of what your people called "comfort girls." My commanding officer came into the mess hall one day looking annoyed. He sat down with us and started asking if we heard about missing girls from the civilians. One man Artie Shooman, he wore thick coke bottle glasses and was covered in freckles spoke up. He told us how a woman had come up to him crying out things in Japanese begging him for help. His Japanese wasn't too great, but what he could make out was that her daughter was missing and that she thought she may have been sent to be a sex slave for the Japanese army. My commanding officer sighed and rubbed his forehead. He told us that he thought these sex slave girls could be scattered all over Japan and Korea. His exact words were "hell these girls could be dead for all I know. Damn Japs probably murdered every one of them in cold blood when the bomb dropped."

The men grew silent when he said that as they imagined the horrors the girls went through to the death they met. My commanding officer stood up and excused himself after that. He didn't feel like eating after all. When he left the men around me started talking about the missing girls. They were on my mind to. I wanted to know why these damn Japs, I'm sorry, I mean the Japanese soldiers would take their own wives and daughters and put them into the horrible situation of war and battle. It was then that I decided to ask to be re-stationed in Korea to see if I could find them. I had also been approached by women asking me to find their daughters. They had disappeared to work in factories for the soldiers and nothing was ever heard from them since.

I went to Commander Shaw who was in charge of my division and put in my orders. He asked me a few questions then pulled out a piece of paper and signed it.

" I hate doing this Shields. You speak pretty good Japanese and could be useful here, but your medical skills could be better used in Korea. I'm re-assigning you to Division 54. Gather your belongings and get out of here. Go find those girls."

I saluted him then walked out with my order. Soon I was on my way out of Tokyo headed for Korea and to find you. It's pretty crazy for me to say that. I was going to find you. You were the first girl I found and freed. I wasn't in Korea very long till we heard about your camp. I was asked to go along and scout out the area. We thought it was a soldier's headquarters so when I saw this lonely girl in a white dress praying I was shocked. I asked to get out first. You looked up and instead of running away you stayed. This quiet little figure with a pair of rosary beads in her hands.

I have to say Usagi you sort of reminded me of my mother. She was Catholic while my father was Protestant. She used to pray with me every night and held a pair of rosary beads much like you were holding yours. I promise that after you get out of the hospital I will bring you her beads and you can show me how to pray with them again. I forgot what she said and what it meant. I would like it if you showed me. It might bring back the memory of my mother.

God I'm getting off topic. I haven't even told you about my life in California. All I can talk about is army life. It actually isn't too bad. I'm fighting for the good old stars and stripes and the best damn country in the world. Back home before the war I would say the pledge of allegiance to the flag and go to dances with it hanging above the door. They used to play this one song that I always really loved. I never told my buddies about it because they would laugh. It's _Moonlight Serenade _by Glenn Miller. I would dance to it with a girl in my arms and look up at the ceiling. I was never thinking about the girl since no girl back home ever really caught my eye. Instead I would be thinking about the song and the pictures it raised in my head. Unlike my buddies I'm here in Korea completely on my own without a sweetheart waiting for me back home. In Tokyo do you have someone waiting for you or are you alone too?

Has I was leaving today I saw the girl you told me was named Rei. She was wearing a blue robe and walking to her room. I guess she had been told to go somewhere and was now returning from it. I have never seen anyone like her. She is one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. Her hair was down and it cascaded down her back. I guess I was sort of standing in the middle of the hall watching her because she turned around and looked at me. Those eyes met mine and in them I saw something akin to cold anger. She then looked away and went back to walking. I quickly looked away also and left to go back to my bunk. It's a shame that someone like that had to go through such a horrible thing. I don't think they broke her though, but instead made her stronger. You don't many people like her in this world. I guess I have to say you're lucky to know someone like that.

I remember Rei from the camp. She wanted to rush up to you when you broke down into tears, but she didn't. She just watched as I knelt down in front of you and tried to comfort you. She was wearing that red and white dress with the tattered hem and the stains. Her legs were scratched and her socks had holes but she still looked like the proudest lady I ever saw. No, you don't meet many people like her. When I went to radio in for reinforcements she went up to you and started comforting you and gave me a look of accusing. She changed it though when I brought you a blanket and gave you my handkerchief. Instead she just looked at me with something like knowing. I guess she knew that I wasn't going to hurt you, but she still stayed close to you even when they took you all to the hospital. She was like a mother with her child. God bless her soul as my mom would say. You don't meet many people like her.

I'm sorry Usagi, but I'm rambling. I was never sure what to put in here. You are giving me a book and all I have is four sheets of paper. I'll just leave it here. If you have any questions you can ask me. I'll be around way after you are discharged from the hospital. I'll be going back to California next year. It was real nice meeting you. I hope I can continue to see you until you go back to Tokyo. We already have people to find your mom and get you back with her. I'm sure they are also look for your dad too. Soon you will be with your family and this whole sad mess will be in the past. Good luck Usagi.


	6. Chapter 6

Japanese Moon

Chapter Six

By A Shot of Amber

It was the beginning of September. Usagi remembered it well as she looked at the calendar hanging in the kitchen. The cold and rain would soon set in making the days and nights miserable. It didn't really matter though since she was miserable as it was. The soldiers still came every day although now they had a look of fear on their faces like something was going to happen. One soldier just yesterday as he was putting his clothes back on asked her if she had heard anything of the news, when she said no, he sighed and left without another word.

What news? Had the Japanese won the war? If they did would that mean she would be freed? Probably not, Usagi knew deep down in her heart that if the Japanese had won the war she would probably be shipped off to some place else where there would be battle for more territory. She would go where the soldiers went. This thought was troubling. It would mean she would never see her mother again. She didn't even know if her father was still alive and fighting in the war. Usagi sighed as she left the kitchen and went into Madam Jin's office. Lately Madam Jin had been very stern and strict but she also had been very nervous like she knew something but was afraid to tell. The radio in her office was always on but the girls never heard a word of it, she kept it low for only her ears to hear. As Usagi entered she turned it off completely and turned to the girl.

" I have brought you your afternoon tea Madam," Usagi said holding out the tray of tea and cookies.

" Thank you Usagi," Madam Jin replied gesturing for her to put them on the desk in front of her. Usagi did just that then bowed and left the room. As she was closing the door she heard the click of the radio turning on but there came no sound from it.

Back in the kitchen Usagi looked once more at the calendar. It was September 12th, 1945, another day but also a special day. Outside in the court yard she passed all the other girls who were milling around calling out greetings to her. Today was their day off for doctor's examinations but the doctor had yet to come. Instead they were free to wander loose through the yard and visit in each other's rooms. Usagi passed all of this though and went instead to the gate where she looked to see if any guards were walking past, none were. She carefully pulled out her rosary beads and gathered them in her fingers then standing there with her head bowed she began to pray in a soft voice so no one would hear her. Today was the anniversary of Hoshi's death. She had died one year ago today and Usagi had felt it her right to pray for Hoshi's soul in heaven. As she was praying she heard the sound of trucks driving up to the gate, she looked up and her prayers died on her lips. They were green army trucks much like the ones the Japanese had but they didn't have the rising sun painted on them, instead they had the American flag. One of those trucks stopped outside the gate and a man stepped out from the passenger side. He was a tall man with dark hair that fell from underneath his helmet and was dressed in the uniform of an American soldier.

He walked over to her and looked at her standing there behind the barded wire and wood just watching him.

" Do you speak English or Japanese?" He asked in badly accented Japanese.

" I speak both, but please speak slowly to me," Usagi replied in Japanese.

The man smiled, a nice smile, one of the nicest she had ever seen then looked down at the beads in her hand. " Are you a Christian?" He asked slowly in English.

" Yes, I am praying for my friend. She died here a year ago today," Usagi replied in English.

The man nodded then looked around the camp at the other girls who were watching them talk. Then he looked back at Usagi. " May I come in?"

" Yes you may," Usagi replied stepping back and unwinding her beads from her fingers. She placed them around her neck but didn't tuck them underneath her dress like usual. Something about this man kept her from wanting to hide. The man broke the lock on the gate then walked in. He was taller then her with tanned skin and bright blue eyes. He looked down at her and smiled. She smiled back, the first kind smile she had seen from a man in long time.

" What is your name?"

" Tuskino, Usagi," she replied.

" It is nice to meet you Usagi. I am Darien Shields." He held out his hand which she gingerly took. He pressed his fingers around her hand and shook it then let go while she just looked at him in confusion but he was already looking around at the camp again.

" What is this place?"

" Its our home," Usagi replied. She too looked around the camp at the girls standing in groups watching her.

" You live here?" Darien asked.

" Yes and we work here. We service the soldiers who visit us."

Darien looked down at her as she looked up. Their eyes met and in his was a new understanding. In her eyes was nothing new just the old understanding of what she had become.

" So you are a?" Darien began.

" I'm a prostitute," Usagi finished. It was the first time she had ever defined her status in the camp but now that she had she suddenly felt tired like she had been running for many miles but she also felt something else, something akin to wisdom like she had seen the world and was now telling her story.

Darien looked down at the short girl in the white dress. The dress was dirty and there was bits of blood staining the hem. Her hair was well kept and pulled back into two buns. She was looked away from him at the other girls, the other victims in his mind. Behind him the driver of his truck was watching the whole scene. Darien had been sent in ahead of everyone to see about a camp they had heard about not to far from the Japanese army's headquarters. He had gone alone, just to scout never expecting to see a girl in a white dress praying at the gate. He waved his hand to the driver then put away his gun.

" Will you show me where you live Usagi?"

She nodded and began to walk forward. He followed her deeper into the camp past the girls who all stood there just watching. None of them really knew English so they had no idea what she was saying to him or what he was saying to her. From Makoto's room, Makoto and Rei stepped out and watched as Usagi walked past with the American soldier. Makoto gasped but Rei said nothing.

Finally they came to the second door in the row of doors. Usagi opened it and walked into a small room with a bed in one corner and wooden stool sitting next to it.

" This is where I live," She said softly standing against the door while Darien walked in and looked at his surroundings. He look shocked and disgusted both at the same time. The room smelled like blood, and then he saw why, there were blood stains on the sheets and the blanket.

" Some of the men would be very forceful with me," Usagi replied to his silent question as she to looked at the blood stained sheets. Darien nodded then kneeled down and picked up the small wooden rabbit sitting on the stool. Usagi said nothing has he ran his fingers over the painted wood then set it down again. " Was this a gift from your friends?"

" Yes, Makoto-chan and Rei-chan gave that to me on my birthday."

" When was your birthday?" Darien asked standing up and looking at her.

" In June. We had a small celebration in the courtyard for it although it wasn't allowed. My friends bought me that as a gift. I always keep it next to my bed so I can look at it and think of them when I'm servicing the soldiers."

Darien nodded his head then walked out of the room back into the outdoors. Usagi followed him and closed the door.

" How many of you are here?" He asked as Usagi stepped up next to him.

" There is fifteen of us. Hoshi was shot and killed last year, one girl got pregnant and died from the abortion attempt and three other girls were taken away and never brought back. Rumor was that they were pregnant and they were taken away to be shot."

" So there was originally twenty of you?"

" Yes. We all live in our own separate rooms out here. The soldiers come to us and come into the room. Each one has thirty minutes with us before the next one comes in. We have a schedule for when the soldiers or the officers can come to us. Today is our day off. Today the doctor comes and examines us for diseases."

" How many men a day did you have to service?"

Usagi sighed and rubbed her arm. " I never really kept count but one day I did and I had to service ten soldiers in the morning and five officers that night. After that I stopped counting."

" Was it the same for all the girls," Darien asked looking over the girls who were looking at him.

" Yes it was. Each one of us took our fair share of men." Usagi looked up at the camp, at the girls dressed in their torn clothing covered with dust, at the crude wooden barracks where they had lived for over a year now. Then she spoke, something she had heard her father once say in a letter home. She had never been one who was good with words but the wisdom of this saying seemed to wash over her. Without looking at the soldier next to her, she instead looked at the girls who were looking back at her.

" I see new torments and new souls in pain about me everywhere," Usagi said sweeping one arm out over the camp.

Darien looked down at her has she held her arm out for a second, her palm turned to the sky then she lowered it. " Where did you hear that?"

" From my father. It was in one of his last letters home before I left. He was writing about a battle he had gone through."

" Its Dante. Dante said that," Darien replied. " He said it when he was traveling through hell."

" Sometimes I feel like I'm in hell," Usagi replied softly.

" You no longer have to be in hell, heaven as come to save you." Darien turned to her and looked into her eyes. " I don't think you know this so I will be the one to tell you. The Japanese surrendered in August. The war is over. The American's and the allies won."

Usagi looked up at him, just staring into his blue eyes which never blinked as they looked into hers. Then something inside of her broke and she fell to her knees and began to cry. All around her the other girls were silent then it sunk in as they saw one of them fall to the ground and they to began to cry. They understood her actions even if they didn't understand his words. The girls began hugging each other has tears streamed down their faces. In the doorway Rei unclenched her fist and lowered it while Makoto just smiled and turned her face to the sun.

" We are finally free," she whispered happily.

Darien called in re-enforcements while the girls gathered around him crying out things in Japanese which he tried desperately to answer. Not all the girls did though, while he was being mobbed, four of the girls, the one's who had suffered the hardest ran into the house and seized Madam Jin who had been in her study never knowing what was going on. They dragged her upstairs to the bathroom and drowned her in the bathtub. They were getting revenge for what she had done to them.

Darien's re-enforcements came quickly. As they streamed into the camp the girls ran up to the men and hugged them, throwing their arms around the soldiers with little abandon. The soldiers were shocked but hugged them back as the girls cried out things in Japanese and Korean. Meanwhile Usagi had retreated into her room where she was packing up her things into the little bag that had brought. All the girls were packing their things, they took all their personal possessions and packed them up in bags then ran back out into the courtyard.

Darien could only watch has his sergeant took command. All the girls were rounded up and put on a truck to the near by hospital. Inside the house the soldiers found the body of Madam Jin lying on the floor of her bathroom while the tub was full of water. They looked at each other but said nothing. It was murder that they had done but nobody would report it. To those soldiers who took a hold of the body and brought it downstairs the girls were allowed to get revenge after what they had lived through.

Everyone was taken to the hospital where they were examined for their injuries and any diseases. Many of them did have vernal diseases. Even Usagi did, but it was not life threatening. Instead she was checked into a small room by herself where she requested a notebook and a pen. A nurse who took sympathy to her request bought her a small blue note book and an ink pen. From her first day in there Usagi could be seen sitting in her bed dressed in her hospital gown writing in that book. The nurse would come in every hour to check on her and sometimes the doctor would visit. She was always friendly to all of them but she mostly kept to herself and wrote in her book.

Then one day Darien visited. He was dressed in his uniform and had just gotten off guard duty. Usagi was sitting in her bed writing when he knocked at the door and came in. She smiled happily and closed the book.

" I was wondering when you would come," she said setting the book down on the table next to her.

" I'm sorry, I've been busy," Darien replied taking a seat next to her bed.

" It's okay. I understand." She placed her hands in her lap and looked at him. " I never got to thank you for what you did for me."

" I didn't do anything," Darien replied looking confused.

" Yes you did. You saved me and the others from hell. You are like the angel of mercy." Usagi smiled and pulled her rosary beads from underneath her hospital gown. "My mother gave these to me the night before I left and told me to always pray on them. I did just has she told me and God sent you. I always prayed to be free and now I am."

" Why do you hide the beads underneath your clothes?"

" Because it is wrong for me to be Christian in Japanese society. Mama always told me to never talk about my religion in front of people. She is Christian also. She taught me and my brother Shingo all about God and Jesus and Heaven and Hell. We would pray every night in her room with the curtains drawn and a candle as our light. I can still hear her voice saying the prayers she taught me." Usagi fingered the beads gently then let them drop back against her chest. " When I was in camp I prayed all the time and when it was safe I wore these beads tucked underneath my clothes. It felt comforting to have them near me. When it wasn't safe I hid them inside my pillow so they were always close."

" You are an incredibly strong person Usagi-san."

" No I'm not," Usagi replied shaking her head. " The strong ones are my friends Rei-chan and Makoto-chan. Without them I would have never made it."

Darien nodded then looked at the notebook sitting on the table. " What are you writing?"

Usagi reached over and picked up the note book and held it against her chest. " Its for you but its not done yet. I still have to write the ending," she replied.

" You are writing something for me?" Darien asked a little stunned.

Usagi smiled and nodded. " Its my story. I want you to know it all." Then she smiled even wider. " I would also like it if you wrote me your story."

" There's not much to tell."

" That's alright. I would still like it."

Darien smiled and sat back in the chair. " I guess I could write it tonight after dinner. I have a free night tonight without guard duty. I could write in my bunker on the paper I filched from a friend."

" That would be nice. I want to hear all about your life," Usagi replied setting the book in her lap and placing her hands over it.

" What would you like to know?"

" Well," Usagi thought for a second then looked back at him. " Where in America were you born?"

" In the state of California near San Francisco," Darien replied.

" Do you live with your parent's?"

" Um, no. They died when I was five. I grew up in an orphanage until I was eighteen then I moved out and started going to college. I lived on campus in a dorm room until I enlisted in the Marines in 1944."

" What are you going to school for?" Usagi asked with interest.

" Medicine. I want to be a doctor when I get out of here."

Usagi grew quiet for a second at the thought of Darien leaving Korea to go back to California but then spoke up again. " When you say "get out of here" does that mean you will leave Korea and go home?"

" Well yea. My enlistment is up next year. They are talking about something called a G.I. Bill in congress at home which will pay for men like me to go to college. I plan on taking advantage of it and finishing my education."

" Then you will become a doctor and get married and have kids and be a happy man," Usagi replied without raising her eyes from her hands in her lap.

Darien raised his eyes to look at her bowed head. He took his arm off the back of the chair and leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees and hook his fingers together. " Do I sense a hint of sadness Usagi-chan?"

Usagi jerked her head up at the informal use of her name. She looked at Darien who was looking at her. " You called me Usagi-chan?" She asked with a confused tone.

" Do you not want me too? Is it to informal?" Darien asked.

" No," Usagi shook her head. " It's just, I thought that since you were American you would call me Usagi and never use the informal chan or formal san."

Darien smiled and sat up. " I was trained in speaking Japanese to the foreigners I was to meet here. I know that you use suffixes to show respect when saying someone's name. I use them with you to make you feel comfortable."

" Thank you but it sounds so strange for you to be speaking in English to me then all of a sudden say Usagi-chan. It's like we are mixing Japanese and English together," Usagi replied.

" But we are mixing the two languages together unless you want to talk to me in Japanese?" Darien replied switching to Japanese near the end.

Usagi smiled and replied in Japanese. " I like talking in English only because your Japanese isn't very good. You have a horrible accent."

" Oy. I've been rebuked by a girl," Darien replied in Japanese rubbing the back of his head. Then he spoke again but this time in English. " We'll stay with English then since your accent isn't half bad although sometimes it's hard to understand you."

" My accent is thick?" Usagi asked in Japanese.

" Yea but I'm getting used to it and it's sort of pretty. I haven't met a lot of girls who can speak English as prettily as you."

Usagi blushed and looked down at her hands again. " Thank you," she finally replied softly and in English.

Darien grinned and sat back in the chair. Just then someone knocked at the door and opened it. It was the nurse with a small cup of pills and a glass of water. She took in the sight of the soldier sitting next to her patient's bed and the patient looking up at her.

" Usagi-san I have your afternoon dose of pills," the nurse said walking into the room and setting the two cups on the bedside table.

" Is it that time already?" Usagi asked in Japanese then turned to Darien and replied in English. " The doctor has me on sleeping pills to make me sleep and something to keep me calm. He says when I first came in here I had a lot of anxiety attacks because of all the men in the hospital. I thought that they were going to attack me so I never left me room. When he first saw me I tried to kick him because he wanted to examine me. I had to be strapped to a bed so he could examine me. Afterwards he told me that I was going to be fine and that I didn't have any diseases then he quickly left the room so the nurses could un-strap me and lead me to my room. It took awhile but now I trust him and know he won't hurt me. He's even putting out a search for my mother to tell her where I am."

" Usagi is in shock from the war," the nurse replied looking at Darien. " The doctor is trying to help her adjust from her shock and I take it you are too?"

" I'm Darien Shields," Darien replied standing up and offering the nurse his hand. " I was the first man into the camp that freed the girls. I met Usagi at the gate and she showed me around."

" He freed me," Usagi replied.

The nurse smiled and shook his hand. " No wonder you hold a place in Usagi's heart. She has spoke of the soldier who told her she was free from being a comfort girl. I'm glad you could finally come and see her."

" I would have come sooner but I've been busy with my duties," Darien replied sheepishly looking at Usagi.

" It's no bother Darien Shields," Usagi replied smiling up at him. " You have finally come and that is all that matters."

The nurse nodded and let go of Darien's hand. " It's time to take your pills Usagi then I will leave you two alone again."

Usagi nodded and reached for the glass of water and the cup of pills. She placed first one pill then the other on her tongue and swallowed them down with the water while Darien watched. When she was done she handed the empty glass to the nurse who nodded and left the room.

" It isn't fun to take pills but the doctor says I'm not ready to be completely without them yet. Even though I take sleeping pills I still have nightmares sometimes and wake up screaming in the night. I don't trust strange men at all either. I refuse to talk to the soldiers who come in here unless of course it is you. I don't know them or what they'll do to me so I stay in my room away from them."

Darien sat back down in the chair and leaned back. " Do you see your friend's at all?"

" Yes I do. I still see Rei-chan and Makoto-chan all the time. They come and visit me in my room. Rei-chan has a really bad vernal disease although I can't remember its name. The doctor said she may never be able to have kids but she said it doesn't matter because she never wants to get married. She hates all men right now and I don't think she'll ever stop. The soldiers stare at her when she walks by but she does not look back. She ignores them all and Makoto-chan does not look either. She didn't get anything but that might have been because the soldiers of the camp didn't visit her as much as they did the others. She says she wants to go back to Japan and open a bakery and make it on her own. She has no plans to get married but will instead continue to live alone."

" And what about you Usagi? What will you do?"

" I would like to get married if a man will have me," Usagi replied blushing slightly but she did look up at Darien and looked into his eyes. " I know I am not a virgin and that means I'm not pure but I am hoping I will find a man who understands that and will still have me for his wife."

Darien looked into her eyes and smiled. " I'm sure you will find someone who can do that Usagi-chan. I'm very sure of it."

" I hope you are right Darien Shields."

" I am and please call me Darien."

" Alright, Darien." She smiled at him like they had just shared their own private moment. Maybe they had, the air between them was at the same time electric and alive but also soft and slow as if time had passed. Then he looked away and shook his head as if though to clear the haze that had enveloped him and the moment passed. Usagi looked down at the book then picked it up and opened it.

" Are you looking for something?" Darien asked as she thumbed through the pages.

" No, I was just looking at everything I wrote. I'm making sure I didn't leave anything out. There was so much that happened to me so I don't want you to miss a thing." She stopped on a page and read the words written on there. " I'm reading about Hoshi-chan," Usagi finally said looking up from the book at Darien.

" Who was Hoshi?"

Usagi sighed and closed the book. " She was my friend. She played the piano and could sing and had a music box and loved her mother more then anyone else in the world."

" Is she here now? Do you see her often?" Darien asked missing the past tense of "loved."

" No," Usagi replied softly. " Hoshi-chan died a year ago when she was trying to escape. A soldier shot her in the head. It was an awful thing to see. They made us walk past her body in the kitchen to see what our punishment would be if we tried the same. She wasn't the closest person I've ever been to, that would be my mother, but she was the most special. I never met anyone like her. She once sang a song for me and she sounded like a morning dove, all pure and sweet. I can still hear her voice singing that song for me even though she never did it again afterwards." Usagi took a deep breath and looked at the window where a tree stood in the sunlight. " She was really beautiful with this pure milky skin that meant good breeding. I remember that her hair was very long and very black. She took it down once and it went all the way to her knees. She said it was to hard to wear it down so she wore it up all the time with a clip her mother had given her. I wonder about how her mother took Hoshi-chan's death. Her mother and Hoshi-chan were really close, like best friend's. It must have been awful to hear what her daughter had to go through and how she died because of it."

Darien found himself clenching his hands together and digging his nails into his palm. He slowly eased his fingers apart as Usagi finished talking and grew silent. The silence in the room and grown ominous but finally Darien spoke. " I had no idea you saw something like that happen. Being in battle I've seen close buddies of mine go down by an enemy bullet and die in front of me. I didn't think though that a woman would have to see it also. I guess I don't really know the true extent of what you went through Usagi but now I'm starting to get a better idea. In a way girls like you and Hoshi were fighting your own battle."

Usagi lowered her head for a moment then lifted it again and smiled at Darien. It was a strained smile and there were tears in her eyes. " That's what I say too. It was a battle that I went through like a soldier does, like my dad and I was one of the lucky ones. I survived the battle. I just wish Hoshi-chan had too."

" Do you believe in heaven?"

" Yes I do," Usagi replied.

" Then she went to heaven. If you believe in something hard enough then it will come true. If you believe that Hoshi went to heaven hard enough then it will be true. God forgives all sinners and always helps the hurt. Hoshi was hurt but God saved her. He took her to heaven where she will be safe from all pain and where she will be with her beloved mother and her music."

Usagi wiped away the tears that had been trickling down her cheeks. " That was very beautiful Darien. I will always believe that as the truth. Hoshi-chan went to heaven where she can sing like a bird again and be with her mother."

Darien nodded then looked up at the door as someone knocked. Usagi quickly wiped away the last of her tears as the nurse poked her head in." Usagi-chan I'm going to have to ask you to say goodbye to your visitor. It's almost time for the doctor to make his rounds," the nurse said opening the door a little wider and stepping inside.

" Alright," Usagi replied. She looked over at Darien who was standing up and pushing the chair back to its place against the wall. " Will I see you soon?"

" On my next afternoon off. I'll bring you my story then also," Darien replied looking down at her.

" That sounds nice. I look forward to it."

" I look forward to reading yours too." Darien gave her a grin then followed the nurse out of the door but before he closed it he popped his head back in. " I hope you feel better soon Usagi."

" Thank you Darien!" She called back as he closed the door. Left alone once again she opened the book and picked up her pen.

When I left off I had written about how you saved me. You saved me Darien Shields. I don't know how much longer I could have gone on being strong for my friend's sake when there was so much pain around me. I remember how you knelt down next to me when I was crying on the ground and you put your arms around me and left me cry. My mother would do the same thing for me when I was younger. Rei-chan and Makoto-chan also did it for me in camp. Whenever I'm feeling weak and alone, I cry, and it seems whenever I cry someone is always there to cheer me up. I'm glad that this time it could be you.

As you probably know, some of the girls killed Madam Jin. She was hated amongst us and I feel that what they did was wonderful. She can never hurt another soul again. I hope you find Jin-kun, her husband, and kill him too. The doctor says he ran off with the soldiers leaving his wife alone. He was coward. He could only speak big words but never fight his own battles. He left his wife to do that instead, but now she burns in hell and I know he will join her soon.

I look forward to reading you story as I know look forward to you reading mine. I have been writing this for the last three days now but I only have one more thing to add before I end this. Last night as I was sleeping I had a dream. I remember this dream so well that I can tell it perfectly right here in this notebook. I dream a lot but there was something about this dream that I will remember forever. Here is my dream:

The light woke me up from my sleep. I was lying in front of a glass pane window with the moonlight shining in. My bed was a cot. Just a cot with no blankets and no pillow but instead just my body lying against it. I was dressed in my white dress with my stocking feet showing at the bottom. I was alone in this large room with no corners and the glass pane window that went from the floor to the ceiling that made up an entire wall. Outside in the moonlight I could see shadowy hills and trees blowing in a breeze. The moonlight was so bright it was like daylight outside yet the light was silver instead of gold like the sun. Inside I could hear the music box song playing. It was a piano though; the piano was playing the song of the music box before the soldier smashed it. The music was so clear; I could feel it in my soul.

I was sitting there on that cot just looking out the window when I saw her. Then I saw them, I saw everyone. I saw mama standing next to my father and they were smiling and waving to me. Even Shingo was there and he was the old Shingo before the war changed him. He was waving to and then there was Rei and she was wearing her priestess outfit and looked like the girl I had first met and not the one she turned into. Rei was holding a broom in her hand and she joined my family. They welcomed her while I watched and my mother hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek. Then they all turned to me and waved.

I saw Makoto then standing alone. She looked tall and proud and beautiful and like the lady she had always wanted to be. She walked up to my family and shook hands with my father who then bent down and kissed her hand like men do in the movies. Then she was waving to me and standing with my family. My mother gave her a hug also and kissed on the cheek and I knew that the whole ordeal was forgotten in that instant. They stood there, all of them, waving to me in the moonlight that seemed to grow brighter and brighter until I realized that the sun was rising and that the light was turning to gold. I held up one arm to block the light from my eyes then I lowered to see you standing there. You had your back to me and you were wearing your uniform. It was that green color that you call army fatigue green. Then you looked over your shoulder and looked at me. I was still sitting in that bed and you were outside in the sunlight alone. You turned around and smiled at me then you held out your hand as if to say come with me, I'll save you from this.

Then I woke up and I composed this poem in remembrance of that dream.

" Usagi-san."

Usagi looked up from her writing at the doctor who had just come in with his clipboard in his hands.

" I was just making my rounds to see how you are doing today.

" I'm doing better today. I had a visitor," Usagi replied closing her book.

" Yes, I saw a solider visited you today and sat with you for awhile. Is he a friend?"

Usagi smiled " He was the man who freed me from the camp."

The doctor nodded. " I see then. He must hold a very special place in your heart then.

" He does. I'll never forget him as long as I live. I probably won't see him again when I get out of here and go home and that is sad but I will never forget him. He is my angel of mercy."

" Is he the one you are writing to?" The doctor asked pointing to the notebook.

" Yes." Usagi picked up the book. " I am writing my story for him."

" He is very honored then to be reading it."

" Yes he is," Usagi replied.

After the doctor had left and she re-opened the book. She tore a page out from the back and laid it down on her bed. Carefully Usagi began copying that page into the book. When she was finished she closed the book and sighed. She had finally finished writing her story. On the first page Usagi had written in her best kanji: To my prince. Thank you for saving me. I hope you will always keep this book close to you. Love your little rabbit.

The next day Darien came with a few folded pieces of paper which he gave her to when she handed him the notebook. He didn't stay to talk because she didn't ask him to. Instead he took the book back to his barracks and his room and sat down on his bed. Every page was filled with neat little words written in English in a blue pen. At the beginning was a small explanation.

" You are probably wondering why this is written in English instead of my native Japanese. When I was a little girl my mother began to teach me how to speak and write in English. I now know by writing this that she loved the American way with its language and its religion and she transferred that love to me. Now here is my story to you Darien Shields. Please read it all the way through before you make judgment then come to me if you have any questions. I'm always willing to answer them."

Darien turned the page and began to read her story from its very first words while he sat there alone in his room with just the sounds of the wind blowing in the trees outside.

" When I was twenty one years old I went with the first American forces into Korea and liberated a Japanese camp of comfort girls."

Darien Shields sat around a table with some other men and their wives talking about the war. They had all fought in World War II on the Pacific war front and were now gathered for a reunion to share their memories. They were all old men now, the oldest among them being in his eighties but their memories were still strong.

" One of the girls, the one who told me what the camp was, gave me this." He held up a well worn blue note book. " In it she wrote her story which I read every year without fail around the time that I met her. She also wrote this to me." He opened the notebook to the last page and put on his glasses. " Near the end she wrote about a dream she had then she composed this poem because of the dream. I want to read you all the poem."

The others grew still has Darien took a deep breath then began to read.

"I see the moonlight shine so fair,

And I wonder if I can see it there.

From the bars of my cage,

I flutter my wings,

One day hoping to be free.

Like a bird I soar freely,

Until I loose my flight and tumble to the ground.

I ask the Gods why they lock me in this cage.

But no one can answer my tears.

They turn their backs on me,

Leaving me alone and in fear.

I see the souls of the dead come alive once more,

And ask if I can join them.

They deny me, no, but instead take my hand,

And deliver me back to heaven.

My wings arch from my back,

And once more I fly freely.

Until the day I lie down on the Earth,

And speak nevermore sweetly."

" That was beautiful," one of the women said while the woman next to Darien just smiled.

Darien nodded and closed the notebook. He then pulled off his glasses and put them back in his shirt pocket. " Yes it is. I complimented the girl on the poem the next time I saw her."

" Whatever happened to that girl?" Someone else asked.

Darien just smiled and looked at the woman sitting next to him. She smiled back, her eyes meeting with his.

" That girl has been my wife for the past forty six years."

Usagi Tuskino Shields smiled and took his hand in her hand and squeezed it tightly. He had saved her from hell and delivered her to heaven after all.

The End.


End file.
